I worry therefore I am

I hope folks enjoyed SC’s post as much as I did. I have wanted to post about similar topics and glad that she took the lead. Takes the pressure off me, I don’t have to be funny since she has taken care of that. I too worry. Not a day goes by when my stomach hasn’t knotted up thinking about this process. By knotting up, almost to the point where I think I may puke myself and start getting the hot spits. Yesterday I went to a football game in Charlotte so I got to spend several hours of windshield time with some buddies of mine. One of them has two kids (a three year old and a 16 month old) and the other one has a 6 month old. One would think that most of the ride would have been talking about guy stuff, the usually crass stuff guys talk about, lets be honest, farting will always be funny to some of us for some reason. Oh wait, I am not supposed to be funny, back to the serious stuff. Most of the talk on the trip was focused on kids. I obviously had tons of questions but they also talked and shared stories about their kids. I learned what an uncontained poop is and how that is a bad thing at day care. I learned that some lactation consultants can be Nazis and not to worry too much about what they say you can confirm with a pediatrician concerns you may have. I learned that I should take pillows with me to the hospital because there offering of sleeping devices can not be considered comfortable even to the most exhausted person. I learned that bananas aren’t a good thing if you are trying to get a poop out of the little one. You get where I am going with this? I learned a lot. It was a great trip that I took a lot away from, and sitting up close on the 50 yard line wasn’t bad either. But even after such a good advice from friends, I am terrified for many of the reasons listed in the previous post. I realize that perfection is not expected and unobtainable; I just want to be the best parent I can. With ever question that comes up another manifests immediately. I think I turned out ok (I realize that many that know me could debate that) and can only hope and pray that this burden I am feeling can be transformed into positive parenting, thanks for listening. Amabo, I am sorry you have to be a part of this on the job training but hopefully we will not mess you up too bad before we get it figured out.

Pregnancy: What Not to Say and other thoughts

Organizing .... That's the name of the game. So since, November 7th, when we found out that this child is expected to be a girl (although sometimes the docs get it wrong, too...), we have organized a few cupboards, the pantry, our closet, and selected other projects throughout the house. Truthfully, I am confident that a lot more would be organized by now if the bonus room were done, but many things are having to wait on that project.

So, now I am working on a magazine project. I get Real Simple - which if you don't know of it, it is a fabulous magazine. I save the magazines because they have great ideas, simple solutions and wonderful recipes. After cleaning out the office the other day, I realized that I had an inordinate number of magazines that had piled up. My solution? Go through each magazine, pull out the good ideas, organize them and rid myself of the bulky magazines that are taking up room that Amabo will need when she arrives.

I came across the November 2007 issue of Real Simple and in it it had a list of things you should never say to people. Things like: "You look tired" Ask instead if everything is alright? One entire section of the article was dedicated to Pregnancy. Some samplings from the magazine:
Don't say: "Are you pregnant?"
Instead say: "Hello" or "Great to see you" or "You look great." Anything besides "Are you pregnant or "What's the due date?" will do.

Don't say: "Do you plan on breast-feeding?"
Instead say: Nothing.


I found this very funny. Clearly there are not many people in the world that have read this "etiquette" about pregnancy and the dos and don'ts. Recently, a co-worker hosted a Silpada Designs party (jewelry). The party was set up during work hours in one of the conference rooms. I walked over on my lunch hour to be supportive, wearing a large coat with scarf, and the Silpada representative (who I do NOT know) greeted me by saying, "Ooh...what do you have in there?" Then she proceeded to pat my stomach.

I did not buy anything.

I told Dan last night that I think that only recently pregnant people know the appropriate things to say to currently pregnant people. Last night at the North Carolina Master Chorale's Joy of the Season concert, a friend (who had a baby about 10 months ago) came up to me, gave me a big hug and said, "You look so wonderful!" What a nice thing to say to the pregnant lady that was feeling larger and more bloated than normal after a big and unexpected dinner at a fine steakhouse in Raleigh. I thanked her for that.

This whole process has been a great lesson in psychology...the psychology of other people and the psychology of myself.

Other new things: Dan is starting to talk to the baby. I guess he feels like he has to have his mouth right next to my stomach for her to hear him. This has been an interesting new development. He is also becoming increasingly more protective. Dan's new thing when we are in the car together is to ask if I am wearing my seatbelt properly. Poor poor Amabo. I fear you may not be able to leave the house until you are 21. And god help any boys that may be in the picture! Don't worry, Amabo, I will fight for you when I can!

This is a worry, though. Having a girl first. Perhaps we should have started with a boy. Too late now, and not like we have control over it anyway. But is having a girl first really a good thing? It is a good thing for Amabo, because my parents already have a grandson...so this means she is likely to get equal attention to the other grandchild. But is it good for us? Let me explain: It is likely that we will be more protective naturally of a girl. Not because we think females are the weaker sex - trust me, our marraige is an indication of our thoughts on that stereotype, but because Dan and I were both young once and we know what its like. Additionally, we are more likely to be more protective of a first child...right? So, my worry is that we will be doubly protective of Amabo which may not necessarily be a good thing. I am not sure that any of this paragraph actually made any sense..but I am leaving it in here anyway.

On to other things that I worry about: Nathan may eat my baby. Nathan is my 3 year old nephew who currently yields all of the attention of my parents. Pop pop (My dad) is wrapped around Nathan's pinky and every conversation with my mother is like watching an hour long program called "The funny things that Nathan did today." Now, if I know my dad at all, and if his relationship to me is any indication, Amabo will be a well-loved little girl. And I think my mother has already bought little girl clothing patterns to make for her. So, Nathan, sorry kid, but you are going to share the limelight whether you like it or not. One thing going for Amabo: Nathan's aunt and uncle on the other side of his family recently had a daughter and he did not eat Addison over the Thanksgiving holiday. She also lives 150 miles or more away. We only live 10 miles away....

In all seriousness, though, I do worry about many other things that actually matter. These things don't usually make the blog, because I haven't figured out how to make them funny yet. A friend recently asked if I worried about the labor part. I can't say that I really think about it that much, honestly. Women have been giving birth for generations and my mentality: if they can do it, I can do it ... and perhaps I can even do it better (for those of you that really know me, you know why that mentality of mine is true!). Anyway, what I worry more about is how am I going to intsill important and meaningful values into Amabo that will guide her life and her decisions for years to come? Is there a book on that? I joke that I worry about when I will know if my child can eat real food (or at least the goop in the baby food jars). But that isn't really my concern. My concern truly is how am I going to teach her how to make responsible decisions. So as a guide, I think back to my own child-hood. I cannot say that all of my decisions have been the best decisions, but I have been pretty responsible and definitely learned from any poor decisions that I made. How did my parents teach me this? I have no idea! I definitely got in trouble as a kid ... mostly for talking back (go figure, I got in trouble for voicing my opinion!). But how did that teach me how to be a good person? So, although I joke an awful lot about how funny this whole pregnany thing is, this is the way that I keep my sanity because if I couldn't find the humor in the day to day, I would lose my mind worrying about the next 18+ years ahead of me.

Another Doc visit, all continues to be well

I am sure glad that SC took well to this blog idea. She has done a fantastic job at keeping everyone updated and bringing an awesome sense of humor to the process. We had another doctors visit last week. Up to this point I have attended every visit but may need to reconsider that( I know SC is crossing her fingers that I quit going to all of them) after the last visit. The total time spent inside the doors of the doctors office was less than 20 minutes.

We were in and out in no time. We arrive a little early after stopping for some breakfast. It has become a tradition for us to stop at McD’s and grab some grub before we go. She got called back, moments later she appeared to summon me back, wait a few months for doctor to come, he asks some questions, she answers some questions, and we are done. All is progressing well.

Next time we will check to see if the baby has diabetes, they gave SC some stuff to drink before the meeting, so more than likely I will attend that one. But from now I may ask about the status of the meeting before making reservations. That being said, I will likely not miss one(I imagine SC is banging head on wall again, but it should be a little soft by now, the wall that is not her head)

The room is progressing quite well. I am hopeful it could be ready to get its first coat of paint by the weeks end. However, Christmas parties are starting to get in the way. Also, our pile of stuff for amabo is starting to increase. She will most definitely have some cute NC State to wear which I cannot wait to to put on her and watch some wolfpack sports.

That’s about all I got for now, sorry for the sporadic thoughts but wanted to put up about the visit to doc.

The Joys of Pregnancy: Being a Chub-A-Lub!

It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted and I decided that readers needed an update.

I have week 23 doctors appointment on Thursday and I have been weight obsessed since week 19. (If you read my last post, you will understand). Apparently I gained too much weight between weeks 15 and 19 and now I am nearly concerned that the doc will tell me I haven't gained enough between week 19 and 23. I have only gained about 3 lbs so far since the last appt, although this is still more than the 1/2 lbs allowance that Dr. No was willing to give me four weeks ago. So we'll see. The docs appt is not with Dr. No this time. It is with our fave doc. And if he says that I am a "chub-a-lub" (in the words of a coworker and friend) then I know it's true.

Other new developments: I am enjoying this whole pregnancy thing more now than I was. Don't get me wrong - it is still a means to end for me. If I could do it another way without the weight gain, stretch marks, back ache, etc...then I would be all over it. But alas, I am not independently wealthy so growing my baby in a petri dish probably isn't going to happen. Anyway, where was I? Oh right ... enjoying this more. By enjoying more, I mean a couple of things:
1) For the past four weeks, I have enjoyed being sick/nauseous-free. Blissful! I don't think I realized I bad I truly felt during weeks 6-19 until I finally felt good. Of course, then I was completely worried that something was wrong (again, if you have read very early posts you will understand that I need a sign!). I wouldn't say that I am glowing, however, although I was told last Wednesday that I had a "pregnant-lady glow." I think it was more the fact that I found my eye-lash curler (MIA for a year) and was inspired to do full make-up.
2) I finally look halfway pregnant. That's right. I am no longer just the girl whose stealin' all the snacks (although Dr. No would say otherwise). My belly is definitely rounder. Now,this looking pregnant business is double-edged. On the one hand, you definitely get more doors opened for you and more offers to help lift things. This is nice. On the other hand, once people realize you are pregnant and not just chubby, the advise comes. For example: Why in the world are my breasts and breast feeding a good topic of conversation? Perhaps if I brought it up, that would be one thing. But when a co-worker that you aren't all that close too asks, as the first thing after finding out your news, "So, are you gonna breast feed?" My response: "Well..." And that was as far as I got, friends. I was cut off before I could politely answer and excuse myself to an entire conversation about why I needed to breast feed, etc...etc...The conversation was probably only about 5 minutes long, but it felt like an eternity.

My favorite thing about this stage of pregnancy though are the people who engage me in conversation, not knowing I am pregnant, and I catch them taking several glances at my newly round belly trying to figure out if I am really pregnant or not. Sure, I could tell them, but it is more fun to watch this situation pan out. It's almost as if I can hear them asking themselves "should I ask? But what if she isn't....?" One co-worker flat out asked me. Although I wouldn't recommend this tactic under normal circumstances, I appreciate this type of directness. Mind you, if I wasn't pregnant, that co-worker would have found himself defying gravity that day and flying through the air. Lucky for him that I am "with child."

A new name: My five year-old cousin was over for Thanksgiving and made several wise observations about this baby on the way. After several questions about where would the baby's room be, where would the music be in the baby's room (because everyone knows you have to have music in the baby's room...she reminded me!), she asked me what the baby's name would be? I told her in my most serious manner "Amabo." She took a deep breath in, crinkled up her nose and was clearly dissatisfied. Rather than offer a new first name, however, she offered a much better option. She replied to me, "How about Amabo Rose?" What a wise little girl! She made the name prettier without offending me! I think that she will be pleased when the baby comes and realizes that we aren't actually going to name her Amabo.

Well - that's it for now. I can't promise this, but expect a post after Thursday's docs appt.

The Tale of Dr. No and other stories

I am so glad that my husband posted to all of our readers that we are expecting a little girl. I couldn't event think about posting for several reasons - all of which I will explain:
1) The traumatic experience of an appointment with "Dr. No"
2) Nesting

Dr. No
So, I scheduled our "anatomy scan" visit with my favorite doctor at the OB/GYN practice. This appointment was scheduled for Friday, Nov 7th. I got a call on Thursday, Nov 6th from the docs office to hear that my fave doc was not available due to a hospital case and I was being rescheduled with another doctor. Well, I looked up his bio on the docs office website and I didn't really like it and then I looked up his voter registration and that was even more disturbing than his bio :) Really, I don't mind being checked out by a person of differing beliefs than myself, but afterall, it was election week, I was already angry about not getting the best doc ever AND I was turned off by the guy's bio. So things were not looking well. After consulting friends at work and my husband, I decided to keep the appointment and get over the fact that I was getting to see the doctor I liked.

We got to the appointment the following day, had a great ultrasound with the technician - very exciting. You'll note from previous posts that Dan teared up. Then we went into the exam room to wait for the doctor. In he walks, shook our hands - that was nice. He put his papers on the counter, turned his back to me and proceeded to read ... "looks like we have a female fetus...." If we were on a sitcom, that's when the rewind sound would have played, the scene would have paused and I would have spoken directly to the audience. "What? Female Fetus? Where is the pink confetti, where are the balloons? Where is the 'Congratulations, you're having a girl'?" Okay, not that I expect a lot, but I really didn't expect to hear "female fetus." So he continued, and after clinically describing that my baby girl had a two line impression (don't ask, I don't know), but apparently this is good, he said to me that I was gaining too much weight. rewind sound, scene pauses and main character speaks directly into the camera: "Really? And when was the last time you were pregnant? Not to mention, I went several weeks and gained nothing, and just recently gained a few pounds all at once. And I should also note that I have only gained a total of 11 pounds - 20 weeks in." : The doctor continued, without asking any questions about my eating habits, diet or exercise routine to say that I should really stop sitting at my desk all day drinking juice and eat more apples. <Pause, main character speaks directly to camera: Really? cause I can't remember the last time I drank juice...And since when have you come to work with me? On my way out, I had to schedule my next four week appointment and the receptionist asked if Dr. No (whose real name will not be revealed to protect identities) would be okay. Needless to say...I will not be seeing that doctor again if I can help it.

I got over that experience (clearly....) although I was very concerned last week when I actually lost a pound. Seriously, though, I have gotten over it and have even decided a week and a half later that if Dr. No was on call when Amabo (I will explain later) comes into the world, that this would be okay, too. At least I would know what to expect ... he would clinically describe the labor process to me in terms that I didn't understand and then it would be over and I could embrace my child....so this is okay.

Next - OVERDRIVE
Holy crap! I read in my "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book that nesting would happen....in MONTH 9. Let's see. This is month 5, or something like that and I have been working in serious overdrive. After we found out that we were having a girl, I decided that EVERYTHING (and I mean everything) needs to be done now. It all started last Sunday when I opened the kitchen cabinet where our cups and glasses live and was astounded at what I saw. We have absolutely NO place to put any cups for the baby. I was so astounded in fact that I remarked loudly to Dan "Dan, Where are we going to put the cups for the baby?" Dan's response, "We'll figure it out." My response, "We don't use half of this stuff in here, we have to clean it out." Dan's response, "Okay, we will...." Clearly, Dan did not understand what I was saying. So, I pulled out a kitchen chair, climbed up on the counter and pulled everything out of the cabinet and went through each piece deciding whether we needed it or not. Poor Dan. There is much more of this type of behavior on the way. The pantry is on the list, the closets upstairs, and much much more that needs to be cleaned out.

Besides the crazy cleaning and discarding of stuff, I am also now accumulating many items. I went for so many weeks without actually embracing that this was happening that I am doing it all at once now. So here I am ... I am now the owner of a pack 'n' play, a crib, a crib mattress, and I am getting ready to purchase a glider rocker, ottoman and changing table. I obtained or will obtain all of these things within 7 days. I am hunting for bargains on ebay and craigslist and feel I must get this done now. Now, the real question - where am I going to put all of these things? The nursery is nowhere near ready for loading. In fact, it is currently a disheveled office while we wait for the bonus room above the garage to be finished. That room is about 5 weeks or more away from complete and after that happens, we will need to remove current items from the nursery, clean out the closet, and paint. So - I am thinking that will happen in February. I suppose that this means all of my newly acquired furniture will occupy the space in the garage that my car currently takes up...which means, I will have to be cold in the morning until my car warms up. Oh well, it is a small price to pay for piece of mind that my to do list is being marked off.

And finally Amabo (pronounced: "Ama-Bo"). There are so many people in the world that have opinions about thie pregnancy....how I should feel, how I shouldn't feel, what I should do, what I shouldn't do - the list goes on and on and on. And frankly, I am going to spare myself some additional opinions by not sharing the real name of this child until she is here - plus, what if we decide to change her name at the last minute ... I would hate to have to explain that to a bunch of people, too. We may divulge to a few close family and friends, but even that is up in the air. I can tell you that we do have a first name chosen and I believe we may even have a middle name, we definitely have a last name chosen, but Dan still wants a paternity test... So for now, our little girl will be called Amabo. For those of you who haven't figured it out - This is Obama backwards. And who knows...this name may stick...Amabo Crawford - That's a fine name!

Its a Girl

It’s a GIRL. I found my self in the ultrasound room, tears flowing down my face. I am shocked how excited I was to find out. Initially I would have bet anything, and my public statement was that “ I am breeding a boy, bottom line.” But inside, I knew I was indifferent, but the emotions that hit me when they told me was a surprise. I think in deepest part of my stomach, I wanted a girl. Enough on that, she is perfectly healthy; we like to request that we all stop calling her Area 51 baby and it. If you catch us doing that please gently remind us that she has feelings and we will save later stages in life to be called names by her peers.

Sentimentalism

I generally consider myself sentimental. I keep things from my past, I cry during all the appropriate parts of movies, books, etc...But, I am not sentimental about this whole pregnancy thing. So this had me thinking - what exactly is the dictionary definition of sentimental? Maybe I am missing something. Here is what I found:

1.	expressive of or appealing to sentiment, esp. the tender emotions and feelings, as love, pity, or nostalgia: a sentimental song.

2.	pertaining to or dependent on sentiment: We kept the old photograph for purely sentimental reasons.

3.	weakly emotional; mawkishly susceptible or tender: the sentimental Victorians.

4.	characterized by or showing sentiment or refined feeling.

Yep - that defines me in many other areas in life but not this one. So why is that? Why am I not expressive with tender emotions and feelings about this whole thing? During a conversation today at work, while looking at somebody's wedding pictures of the bride crying during the ceremony, I was asked "Does it remind you of your wedding?" My response, "Yes, but I wasn't crying." Really, I wasn't crying? I was surprised to hear myself say that, afterall, I am a sentimental person, but it is true - there were no tears on my wedding day. So why is this? It's because I am a planner. When it comes to big events, whether life changing or a trip to NY, I plan every detail, using excel spreadsheets, cataloging information in notebooks, etc... And here in lies one of the reasons that I am not sentimental about this whole baby thing.

Now, I have no doubt that once he or she is here, I will be saving everything from the baby's first spoon to the baby's first stuffed animal, to the baby's first (you name it). But for now, here is pretty much what I think about: Baby comes in early April. What does this mean?
November - finish bonus room walls and paint
- pick a day care and get on the waiting list
- amend budget for 2009 in order to pay for day care
- determine how much vacation time I have built up for maternity leave
December - Lay floor in bonus room and have furniture moved in by Christmas
- do this while preparing to host Thanksgiving and Christmas shop
- also put up all the Christmas decorations during this time
- don't forget the Christmas cards
- don't forget to speak with HR about maternity leave
December - Travel to Asheville
January - Begin working on nursery
- start thinking about showers, hosts, guest lists etc.
February - Finish Nursery
February - Attend maternity classes
March - attend "Breastfeeding for dummies"
March - wrap up job, figure out who can take over some of the day to day things
And finally: Do all of these planning things while I continue to work full time, building the Student Affairs development plan, put together trips for visiting prospects as well as events to find prospects in 3-4 major cities from February-April. Not to mention, that I still have things to do at the house, laundry, being a dog mom, a wife, etc..etc...

Now - I am not complaining, trust me! For the readers, you might say, "Just Relax...all of this stuff will get done." Well, frankly, I am not really worried about it getting done, because it will. And I know this, because I will plan to get it done and for me, there is no other way for it to happen. But, this is some insight into the way my brain works. I don't just sit and relax and enjoy the moment. Does this make me a bad person? You might think so, but I don't think it is really a bad thing. It is who I am. I also never do one thing at a time - so this is typical. Does it mean that I run ragged occasionally? Yes, but that is okay with me - I like to have a busy schedule.

A co-worker recently asked me if I was ok. I was surprised at this question. She said that I just looked doom and gloom now, not like a few months ago when I was smiley and happy. Hmmm...interesting assessment. I told her that I was just tired. And frankly I am. Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the "sentiment" of this person in asking how I was. But, this is also the same person who said something to the effect of "you should be so happy and glowing..." Well, happy I am, but glowing, doubtful. I am not glowing because I have a lot that I am thinking about right now and a lot I need to get done.

So, I know that there are a lot of women who loved being pregnant and also a lot of women who would like to say (or have already said to me) that this is a blessing and I ought to be happy. Well, I am happy and they are right - this is a blessing. But it is truly a means to a more miraculous end for me. And then, I can be sentimental...

The room is coming along nicely

Only a few more days and hopefully we will find out the sex of the area 51 baby. Not a day goes by that I don’t worry about this whole process. I think though, that is a good thing. I have tons of questions racing through my mind, and for every answer two more pop up. I really hope I don’t screw this up.

On another note, the work on the bonus room is progressing quite well. Today we finished the insulation installation and I think dry wall is the next step. I think its going to be a pretty decent room and cant wait for it to be finished.

S is starting a show a little more but remains petite to be 18 weeks along. There have been a couple of trips to the store that people in her condition shop, but a colleague of hers gave her some clothes the other day. If S had it her way, she would kick at home until it is born so she could just lounge all day in sweats. Unfortunately, not being independently wealthy this is not an option so having things she can wear to work is a good thing.

I am excited about all the things I want to do with it once it gets here. Last night was Halloween so I know that is a long ways away but I think that is going to be fun. As we went fast food this a.m. at McD’s I saw a man and his child going in, I want to do that. We went to a sheep herding trial today, I think that would be fun to do with it. SC is going to a show tomorrow, that might not be fun to do so it could stay with me and watch football (just joking, it could do what it wanted to)

Well Tuesday is the election so I wouldn’t expect much out of me till Friday. Peace. DC

The latest and greatest udpate...

This whole pregnancy thing is starting to seem more real every day. What makes you say this you ponder? Well there are many things; here are some that come to mind quickly as I try to finally put a post together as SC sits at the piano at a late hour. Tomorrow want to guess what we are doing? We are going to look at some daycares in our neighborhood. You heard correctly, we are visiting daycares. She that must be obeyed is almost 17 weeks along, check the counter at the top of the page for yourself, yet we have to go look at daycares since many of them often have long waits.

The other reality is that daycare is going to cost more per month than our house. Now don’t get me wrong I am not complaining about the price, they have a large responsibility and there is a huge trust factor that goes into this decision, so price is what it is as long as they take care of Area 51 baby. Not sure if we have mentioned that yet or not. We refer to this as the process, and the kid as it, and the Area 51 baby because at this juncture the pictures we have of it resemble an alien life form, I hope that changes. Where was I, I don’t know what I expect to find out tomorrow. I don’t think I am going to walk in to any place and see them abusing the children at all, I am sure they keep the roughneck workers in the back and abused kids out of sight from people like us.

I also imagine if we ask questions, the answers would be like asking a waiter what’s good on the menu. Our next door neighbor is going through the same process as we are and its due any day now, we are fortunate that we can learn from them and they have already chosen a daycare close to the homestead. Is it bad if we just rely on them? They are awesome people surely made rationale decisions on this choice of day care. UPDATE: baby C has entered the world; I cannot wait to meet her.

The baby bump is slowly but surely beginning to take shape. We were in Tennessee this past weekend spending time with family. A good time was had by all, our house was a blast but I think at the next trip we will be moved into the kid house. Such is life. On the way out of town, we stopped at the outlet stores for some shopping. I decided to buy yet another pair of golf shoes; I own more golf shoes than some people on shoes. The most important thing to come out the trip was some clothes for the ever changing body of SC. What a concept that they have a store dedicated to pregnant women. She picked up some nice things that look great on her. The jeans are her favorite and she got some real nice tops that look great on her.

A little over a week and half away we hopefully will know more about the sex of the child. All along, we have said that we want healthy and done. I think there are some things of each sex that make them uniquely special. I know I have already been looking at the cool clothing options out there, I see little cheerleading outfits that rock and little football uniforms that are special as well. This whole process is still mind boggling to me, not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. I am still very apprehensive about being a father; I hope I don’t blow it. I apologize that it has been so long between posts, hopefully that will get better. I imagine that there will be one next Friday worse case scenario. And for the love of God and all things holy feel free to share any advice you may have, it would be appreciated.

My new love

So, I have been avoiding the buying of new clothes for "my condition." Not that I don't like shopping, but spending money on clothes that can be worn for a limited time only is not exactly my idea of fun. That said, I did recognize the need to invest in a pair of pregnant lady jeans, seeing as how my current clothes, although still fitting, are not all that comfortable any more. I received an email from Motherhood Maternity stating that jeans were on sale and I decided to stop by and see. The lady at the store was eager to help me and sell me things - she told me about nursing bras (which I don't think I need yet), she tried to sell me a summer dress (I will be pregnant big in the winter) and I repeatedly and nicely told her that I was just here to buy the jeans. And I did. Coincidentally, I also purchased a brown sweater jacket that looked good on me now (during a less pregnant state) so I figure I will get some use out of it after the fact.

I got home and immediately showed Dan my new "secret fit" maternity jeans. Secret fit refers to the giant panel of seamless spandex that goes around the top of them to hide giant and growing pregnant bellies. Dan took one look at the jeans and said "those aren't jeans, that's a dress...." Oh, Dan - there is so much you don't know. So I put my new pregnant lady jeans on and proceeded to marvel at two things: 1) How comfortable these new pants were and 2) the amazing stretch ability in the secret fit spandex. So stretchy in fact that I could fit an entire pillow in my pants!!! This is amazing! I have found what I have always been looking for - a pair of pants to wear at the Thanksgiving table! So my new pants are my new love. So much so that I nearly slept in them on Monday evening. I must go buy another pair because this pair is sure to wear out soon!

So, while much of this pregnant business has not been wonderful (I may hit the next person who says, "Oh, I loved being pregnant"), I am starting to find the joy in the small things that will come with being sick, being tired and gaining weight. I already found joy in guilt-free trips to McDonald's for chocolate shakes and a large fry.

25 Weeks to Go...

Whew - It has been a while since we posted. I am sure our readers are getting anxious to see what we will write next. So we went in for week 15 drs visit yesterday and all still looks good. I was hoping for another ultrasound, but didn't get one - despite my telling the doctor that I had a little fall in the shower earlier that morning. No, I wasn't just trying to con my way into seeing the baby again, I really did slip, but just kindda slid down the side of the shower and didn't really fall.

We did hear the heart beat though - that was cool. 147 BPM, which the doctor politely reminded us that despite the wives tales, this is not a gender predictor. I did google it anyway and I found a study that said there is a 50% chance I am having a girl if the BPM are above 140.

Other things - we are finishing off the room above the garage. And when I say we, I mean my dad. He's a trooper. Has been over several nights per week putting in boards, putting in walls, etc..etc... Says we'll be done by Christmas. Which is good - it means we will have 3 months to get everything else in place, whatever that means.

We are finally sharing the news more publicly these days. In fact, I informed Dan that there are no longer any rules to who we can and cannot tell. I asked him today who has he told and he said "no one." I called him a liar. He said, "I wanted to make sure you didn't change your mind about telling." He knows me well. He also knows that once the enthusiasm from yesterday's drs visit wears off, I will be back to not telling people just in case. Yes, I am crazy. It's fine with me.

The dogs are starting to realize that something is up. They can't understand why we now make them sit when we enter the house whereas before it was insanity with jumping up on us. They cannot understand why they can no longer jump from the arm of the couch onto me while I am sitting in the chair. Boy, are they in for a rude awakening? We have pretty much figured out that Keeper won't care, Wrigley will drown the baby with her kisses and Fly may eat it.

That's about it for now. We are going to a pumpkin patch tonight to pick pumpkins, eat candied apples and drink apple cider. A tradition I hope to continue once there are little ones in our lives.

Under Construction!!!!!

Well, we have begun construction on renovating the unfinished room above the garage. I think the ultimate goal is for it be finished and usable when we are complete. By we, I do not mean a collective we. It is SR’s dad, MR doing all the work. Since I have as much technical skills as you can cram into a thimble, I am more than happy for him to take on this project. I think the current plan is to finish that room and make it into the new office/playroom and turn the current office into the kid room. We will see. I had an idea today that we could finish off that room, knock the wall out and make a large multiuse room that served as office and guest room while making the current guest room the kid room. At this juncture just about all options have been floated and I am sure we will wind up going with the first one mentioned.

We are also the proud new owners of a diaper genie. For all of you with kids you know exactly what this is, for those without, its basically a high tech trash can that you can put diapers of questionable smell into and lock away said smell and germs. A shout out to JT and TT for picking that up for us. It was great visiting with them yesterday, we miss them not living in the area in more.

SR continues to be in great spirits and good health, knock on wood. We will confirm that in a week or so with a visit to the doctor. That’s about all I have for now. Peace. DC

Dan says that I need to post ... so here I am, after an evening at water aerobics, hair still damp from the pool, posting.

Many changes have taken place since the first days of this pregnancy. I am certain that a total of about 25 people now know, not including the strangers that my mother-in-law has likely told in the past two weeks. Baby Crawford is now about two and a half inches long and from what I have read, most of its systems are fully formed. Hmmm...that's kindda cool.

Other changes - I don't like meat. I am hopeful that this will change sometime by week 14. Because I am a carnivore. And lately, I have been choking down chicken just to make sure I get the nutrients that I need. I am now the proud owner of a maternity swimsuit.

Our doctor's visit on Sept 12 was an exciting one. Our baby was bouncing around like crazy and the doc was extremely pleased with its movement. This made us excited and allowed us to open up a little more. Dan still played Mr. Funny and when the doctor asked if we had any questions, Dan piped up and said "Yeah...is my wife gonna be stupid for the rest of this?" That's right folks...he was referring to Pregnancy Brain - yes there is a term for it. So, I have been a little preoccupied lately and have lost my keys, been mostly unfocused, and I am sure there is other stuff. But seriously ... "is my wife gonna be stupid...." Oh dear. Nonetheless, it made the doc laugh, which I suppose is good. And luckily for Dan, I found the humor in it as well.

So here we are - at about 12.5 weeks. 6.5 months to go, or so. We have an attic space to finish off before baby comes or else I am not quite sure where we will fit all the extra gear. I have been having nightmares that we have to move ourselves, our dogs and all of our stuff into one room in my parent's house...and then I realize "we are having a baby....we have to find a place for all of that stuff, too." Could this nightmare, and my OCD anxiety be causing the headaches ... it's a possibility.

Another visit to the Doc

We went to the doctor and Friday. Things appear to be progressing well. We got some more pictures and hopefully one day we will actually open the brand new printer/copier/scanner combination we bought, hook it up, and use it to send out some pictures of the Area 51 baby.

The doc visit was cool except for the part of waiting over an hour to be seen by the doctor. He gave us some sage advice; avoid Friday and Monday appointments like the plague. On Friday, crazy concerned women rush to the doctor because they are about to go out of town and want to make sure everything is ok before they leave. Mondays are bad because crazy concerned women experienced something over the weekend and need to rush to the doctor to make sure all is ok. I can make comments now because we are not that far along and the crazies have not set in too much.

At the doctors office they make you visit with all the doctors in the practice since more times than not, Mother Nature does not cooperate and women go into labor when their doctor is not on call. Therefore, it’s a good idea to meet all the doctors so you will be somewhat familiar with them if they are the one brining your bundle of joy into the world. The guy we met this time is awesome. So awesome in fact that SC would consider switching to him as her regular doctor. This guy was over the top nice and before the exam sat us down in his office and chatted with for a while before we got down to the nitty gritty. Because of the earlier miscarriage he wanted to do an ultrasound so we were lucky to get another done, apparently they are not always done at this visit.

Watching the ultrasound is incredible. The only bad thing I can think about them is that before they were invented families could not see this miracle in action like we can today. On Friday, the kid was up and moving around like crazy. Even the doctor kept commenting on how active he/she was being. We could see it moving around, you could see arms, legs, and although I joked about a paternity test earlier, it appears to be mine because it looks like the kid may have no ass. The doctor said that he could stay in and watch this little guy/gal move around all day. SC commented on how miraculous this all was and unfathomable how things work. The doctor wholeheartedly agreed which was of some concern, but his excitement and exuberance was much appreciated.

The appointment went so well we have started to leak the news out a little more. Don’t get me wrong we have not taken out an ad in the paper, but we made a few calls to our families to let them in on the big secret. We are still a little nervous, but we will keep praying things progress as they are suppose to do and hopefully in early April we will have a new addition to the family. I think the dogs know something is up as well. You can tell from the picture that Wrigley is doing her homework to make sure everything is ready.

I apologize for the long delay in posts, but we both have been wicked busy. I guess that’s about all for now. Peace out! DC

Hey Hey Hey

Sigh...what am I sighing about? Eating healthy. Not something that I want to do. So, what's on my preferred menu right now? Let's see - potatoes in the form of french fries, potato chips, bagels with lots of cream cheese, pizza, chinese food. For those of you that know me, eating carbs is something that I made a conscious effort to keep out of my diet. Now, it's "no carb left behind," or fat for that matter. Sure, I am pregnant, but what exactly does this mean? Some think that it means a green flag for whatever you're in the mood for. Personally, I love this way of thinking. However, practically, I know that if I continue this it will not be the baby's fault that mom has gained so much weight.

Today for lunch, I marched myself to the Loop on Duke's campus and ordered a grilled chicken salad with low-fat ranch. Mmmmm. The entire time that I have been eating it, I keep saying to myself, "this is the best salad ever." Is it working? No. But that's okay. The ranch is good, would be better if I had french fries to dip in it. The croutons are delicious as well. Alas, this is my effort to have a healthier me, and hopefully an easier time losing the weight after baby comes. Meanwhile, I am thinking that the "Fat Albert" look isn't so bad....

Sharing the News

Well....the official announcing has begun. Yes, we did already tell Dan's mom, but that's only because Dan was overly anxious to tell someone. For me, the official announcing didn't start until last night, when we broke the news to my parents - who apparently had already been gossiping with other family members about whether or not I was pregnant. Apparently my lack of drinking was an indicator. First of all, the lack of drinking and the zero caffeine happened two months before the onset of my condition...so why can't people just accept that I went for a lifestyle change? To be honest with you the lifestyle change had to happen. After the miscarriage in late January, I felt completely out of control - although still not drinking all the time, when I did drink, it was getting out of hand too quickly. So, in an effort to pull myself together and prove that I could be disciplined, I quit drinking and I quit caffeine as another form of discipline. So there you go.

So anyway, breaking the news to my parents went well. Although they are ready to be much more excited than I am. I am still waiting for the call from the docs office to say, "We reviewed your blood work, and....we're sorry..." I know that I should think positively and although those positive thoughts don't surface where they are visible, they are there - trust me. They are there when I walk past the maternity store in the mall, they are there when I stroll by the children's section at Target. They are there. But, I can't let them flow externally yet, because I am not ready. If I embrace this for what it is, I am worried about major let down. And having gotten further than I did the last time, seen a heartbeat and finally gotten my "new pregnant lady" package from the OB Nurse, imagine how emotionally broken I will be this time around. Last time, the only proof I had that something was actually happening was a stick with two pink lines on it - and I was thrust into emotional trauma for days, weeks and months. I don't want to do that again. So, when will I allow myself to let the emotions pour out of me...I don't know. I spoke with a woman recently who had a miscarriage with first pregnancy and when she got pregnant again, she couldn't embrace it until 14-15 weeks. So, this is normal.

That's all for now. I rather un-funny post for me ... my apologies to the readers.

Some Big Decisions to be made...kind of!!!!

Finally, we get the bag of stuff from the doctor. I knew there had to be a bag of stuff that went along with this whole process. We went back to the doctor today for blood work and OB Nurse visit. It wasn’t too bad, the entire thing took about 1 ½ hours. There was peeing in a cup, about a gallon of blood withdrawn, and then an hour long meeting I am sure my wife wishes I could have skipped out on.

I tend to bring humor to the situation. Honestly, I think the nurse doing the interview liked it, I mean if you have to sit and talk about this stuff with person after person, day after day, some comic relief every now and then would be nice. Personally the comment about the scratchy itchy bumps was funny.

The good thing to come out of this is SC seemed to be a little more at ease about the process. Especially when the nurse told her that they usually don’t have the OB Nurse visit unless they are positive things are moving down the right path. This was also reassuring to me as well since we both have been a little reluctant to let the emotion flow. I blame the first experience earlier in the year for our cautiousness.

We have some big decisions to make, like do we want to take the birthing class all day from 8-5 or do we want to do the 5 week 2 hour sessions, two half days? I mean this is some serious decisions to think about. Plus there are some other things SC may do like the water yoga for people in her situation. She would enjoy that immensely and I hope she does it. We also got the schedule of visits and it appears early on we don’t have that many visits early on, but we do get to go back next week. We can find the sex out hopefully at the visit after that, I think sometime in week 15-18. Keep your fingers crossed and pray for healthy no matter what.

I know some desire an XX chromosomal set, I think having the XY would be fun and I can teach them to play sports and all the stuff that goes along with that along with music lessons. I always wished I could have taken piano lessons when I was little. My main desire is a healthy process and that God’s will be done. I would also pray that whatever it is cannot like soccer. I would be a terrible parent if I let the kid play soccer. There are so many other actual sports out there; we have to stay away from soccer at all costs. I am outta here for now. DC

More on Sympathy Pains

For the record, I have not and will not ever experience sympathy pains during this process. In reading one of the 371 books on the subject that we are facing, there was a section on said pains. Nothing I am experiencing is in anyhow related to this process. It is more related to the fact that on Wednesday I turned 33 and is reason for my "pains."

If this process runs the course and occurs as planned, I will lay it all on line to be the best father I can be. That said, during the next few months, I want to try as hard as I can to be the best I can be for SC, even if that means dragginy my tubby but out of bed early to rub her back as she is parying to the porcelain gods. Or having popcorn with her at 4:30 in the morning. DC

Sympathy Pains? Seriously...

Don't think that I don't appreciate the sympathy - trust me, I do. Especially when I am running to the bathroom for the 968th time to pee and/or vomit. However, does my husband have sympathy pains for me ... the verdict is still out. Yes, he has been exhausted - arguably just as much as I have. But, I should also tell you that on Monday we were out late at his softball game, ate dinner at 9:00 pm finally and then I went to bed, while he stayed up to watch the Democratic Convention. Then Tuesday night, with his parents still in town, he stayed up late and watched the convention while I went to bed. Wednesday night was no different. Thursday night, he was out until 11:30 pm watching NCSU get their brains beat in by South Carolina. So, is he tired - absolutely! Sympathy pains?...questionable. All I am saying is that before he gripes about his aches and pains out of sympathy for me, he should be thankful that he doesn't have to carry our pea in his pod, cause I am not quite sure he would make it 40 weeks. So to all women who have ever been pregnant and have husbands who complain about their "sympathy" pains, I raise a glass to you (in April after we meet our little pea of course!).

This is more fun than I thought

This has been a lot of fun so far. I enjoy reading SC's post. She is a riot and makes me laugh on here just like she does in real life. We are both still quite nervous but I think we are starting to allow some excitement to creep in. We also had our first major announcement of the current situation. We told my mom, step dad, and brother on Monday. I knew that Mom would want to know and they were in town so we told them. Not sure where we are on more unveiling of the news or some type of major roll out of the information. I will let SC decide when to tell her parents, and I think we would like to reach that 12 week milestone before a press release is issued. We have another doctors appointment next week so we hope to learn more then.

Mom was super excited. I took the chance on telling her so if something happens we (or me) will have a small network of folks to talk to about the situation. I learned long time ago that it is not good to keep bad feelings trapped inside. We also swore mom to secrecy on this subject as we wait to get out of the danger zone. There is a trip to Asheville planned for later September that may be a platform for the information to get out.

I looked at my library report today and I have 15 books checked out with a super majority of them being about the situation we are facing. We have found one that we both really enjoy and I have ordered it, and hope it will arrive early next week. I have found some of the books not very helpful at all, but that is probably more based on their layout rather than the information conveyed. There is one, i think the title is, My Boys Can Swim, it seems to be quite irreverent on important subject matters but is entertaining in the way it is written. I look forward to reading more of it.

Well I guess that is it for now, I have been told that today is my birthday and I am required to go out with people and celebrate. Should be fun although I am wicked tired today for some reason . I think it is sympathy pains from what SC is going through. LOL. DC

A Sign?

Okay...so the past few days I have felt entirely too good to be pregnant. Sure, on Wednesday I had a clear sign of sickness and then Thursday I took a nauseous pill first thing and felt great all day. My questions is simple...was it the pill that made me feel great or is something wrong and my pregnancy symptoms are gone? So on Friday, I neglected to take any medicine and I felt worse than Thursday, but not as bad as Wednesday. What does this mean?

Last night, I said a little prayer for the Lord to send me a sign that I was really pregnant. Now, I am well aware that this is dangerous to do. Look at Zechariah after all. He wasn't able to speak for nine months until his son, John the Baptist, was born. So, in my prayer I was very specific that I wanted some more symptoms of pregnancy just as proof that all was going okay.

This backfired because now I am befuddled once again. I have been reading that I might notice that my veins are more prominent now that they are working so much harder to pump blood. So today, I am almost certain that my veins are definitely bluer. However, as with every other pregnancy "symptom" I have experienced, it has been clouded in a sea of doubt and questioned. When I got out of the shower and examined my newly found blue-ish veins, I thought, "perhaps I just didn't notice these before."

Short of an angel of the Lord coming to visit me to say, "The Lord has heard your prayer and has blessed you with a child," I am unlikely to truly embrace that this is actually happening. I know that I will feel more at ease on September 3rd at the next doctors visit, although this still feels a life time away. Until then, I will keep praying for peace, which my good friends Lori and Donald taught me to do and perhaps I will slip in a little prayer for a sign. I hope that God knows that I am not looking to be a mute for the next seven months. I am certain, though, that this is exactly what my husband is praying for.

The Week of Sickness

So last week can be more appropriately named the "Week of Hunger." You'll recall from previous posts that I was eating nearly everything in sight. Not so much this week. As I walked to the cafeteria at Duke to locate some food for myself and my growing belly, I could find nothing that appealed to me save a chocolate shake. I ordered a salad anyway with chicken. I brought the salad back to my office, opened it and sighed. This is NOT what I want. So what do I want....nothing ... except for the chocolate shake that I bought. Later in the afternoon, I went to a Duke picnic for incoming freshman (no, I am not a freshman, but free food is often a perq I get working for Duke). I bypassed all the meat, options that would have normally gotten my attention immediately, and went straight for the potato salad. That hit the spot.

So after feeling nauseous yesterday and unable to find anything I wanted to eat except for the chocolate shake and potato salad, I filled my zofran prescription from the OB/GYN. I thought I was doing well this morning. I had a glass of milk and an apple for breakfast and didn't feel sick at all...that is until I got to work. I popped a zofran and minutes after found myself sprinting to the restroom. Needless to say, my stomach is now empty.

Big Sigh! I am feeling that this is what is in store for me for the next few weeks and hopefully only a few weeks - but we'll see. It's a good thing that we are able to invoke our short-term memory when it comes to dealing with the journey of pregnancy. If not, I am quite certain we would have far fewer people in the world.

Its tough being a Dog

Man oh man. Now there are lots of people out there that own animals. We for example own three border collies, Keeper, Wrigley, and Fly. I also further understand that not everyone in the world interacts with their companion animals the way we do. I also would note that there are people out there that are crazier than we are about their animals. We love our dogs; two of them share a bed with us at night and we would love nothing more than the third one to join us. She has some common sense and sleeps under the bed where it is cooler, I would join her most nights, but I don’t fit. Our dogs get taken to the park nearly 95% of the days of the year. You will have to trust me on that one, I did the math. Our dogs play dog sports. Our dogs go with us everywhere they can; we know every place in town that allows dogs on their patio so we can take the dogs out to eat with us. On the weekends in the summer if we are in town, we take the dogs to the flea market for a walk and then to the lake for a swim. I say all this to prove that we are crazy dog people.

Well this morning, the oldest dog, Keeper,5, was not her usual self. By that I mean, she did not hop into bed with us first thing this morning, she did not want to go and play ball with her mom as mom dried her hair… and stop the press, the dog did not eat this morning. I thought Armageddon was upon us, this dog is a chow hound and usually consumes all her food by the time I have fed Fly and put the lid back on the food container. Something was wrong with her. As I hear these symptoms mount up, I rise out of bed way earlier than need be and start trying to assess this situation.

We were both very concerned about her, so I assure SC that I will call the vet first thing. I actually called at 720 knowing they did not open till 8, hoping someone would answer. They actually open at 730 but the doctor would not be in till 8. We are way past making a long story short, but the dog went back to the vet this a.m. they determined she was having an allergic reaction to the vaccinations that she received yesterday. She got an IV of fluids, a steroid shot, and was sent on her merry way. What in the blue hill does this have to do with anything? A lot!

We were panicked over our dog this morning. How will this translate to another human life? I haven’t gotten too far along in all those books from the library this weekend, but I am fairly certain that it, the little one, will not be able to communicate well for the first few years. When I awake and have a malady, I share it with SC and then pick the appropriate professional medical provider that accepts my insurance and go to visit them to get a remedy for malady. When a kid is sick, how do you know? I am sure it will cry but that is less than a scientific way to determine what the affliction is. In the past I have vowed not to be the parent that runs their kid to the doctor when it sneezes three times consecutively, but I am rethinking that; especially after this morning.

This morning, our dog was noticeably sick and we both were extremely concerned, I have no doubts it will be equally if not more pronounced when it’s another human life. Man, I think having all these questions is a good thing, but it makes me worry. I am the type that wants to fix things when they need to be fixed. I think that is something that many of us with the Y chromosome do. We all live imperfect lives, but and this will journey will be no different. However, I would like to keep the number of hiccups to a minimum and do the best by this new life form that may be entering into our lives.

By the way, the dog is fine; she is asleep under my feet right now. That doesn’t mean that I have stopped worrying about her, or that more questions have jumped into my brain. DC

Nesting over the weekend....Na, not yet!

So is nesting defined as waking up early on a Saturday (before 9) and cleaning the house for three hours straight before doing anything else productive? I doubt it, but it sure did feel like it. Just joking, the house was in dire need of a cleaning, and I think it just coincided with the timing of everything. The other funny thing is, as you may have read, is that SC is ravishingly hungry all the time. Now that is fine if you are the pregnant one, but if you are the one that needs to drop a few lbs this is not very advantageous. This morning there was some leftover rice for breakfast before the dentist, and then at 10, it was time to eat again. Lunch came in the form of mac and cheese around noon, and now its time for a bratwurst. For me, I am off to the gym, it is my goal to lose some of that extra weight and to take better care of myself. I think it is my idea of leading by example, its not fair to ask someone to do something you cant do yourself.

There was also a trip to the library this weekend. Let’s just say that I almost bought one of those cloth environmentally friendly bags to carry all the books in that I checked out. Most of them for the daddy to be books, a couple on fatherhood. I don’t think I am quite that far along to need the fatherhood books yet, so my focus will be on basics first. How to deal with SC during all this? What can I do to help out the most? And other things along those lines. So far, my first emotions have been justified by what I am reading which makes me feel more normal about the whole process.

We took all three dogs to the vet today for their annual checkup and it was over 600 bucks, that made me very thankful for insurance. Our one dog is mightily afraid of the vet, so bad in fact, the vet has urged us to give her prescription meds to calm her down. We tried today and it didn’t work, she was scratching and clawing trying to get away and her heart was racing. I do not like it when my dog, or anything for that matter, is that afraid of something. I hope I can handle having a child that is afraid of something one day. I hope I will know what to say to calm them down and hopefully get them over their fears. I know that even as an adult I am afraid of things, but at least I know how to get over that. I hope that as a father I can do ok by this kid. I think that is my biggest fear. DC

The Hungry Caterpillar

First off....let me apologize for all of my husband's grammatical and spelling errors. I realize that he offered his apologies earlier, but I am not sure that does it justice. You see, this has been a point of contention since our dating days over five years ago. My husband does type like he talks and frankly, I am concerned that this will transfer to our unborn child. Instead of having one grammatically challenged person to correct every day, I will have two. Not sure that I can handle this.

Okay, on to the issue at hand. All I really want to know is when will I stop being hungry? This morning, I had a breakfast bar at 7:00 am. At 8:30 am, I felt a little hungry and proceeded to eat my entire bag of saltines that was supposed to last all day. At 10:30 am, starving yet again, I ate an orange. And then at 11:30 am, I was counting the seconds until lunch. I am like the main character in the book "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. As a kid, growing up, I would read that book and wonder how in the world one animal could be capable of this type of hunger. Well now, when I read that book to junior, I will sadly be able to say, "Look, that was your mom when she was pregnant with you."

So while I eat my way through the hours (thankfully not eating through the pages of books like the hungry caterpillar), I have another fear - how am I going to lose all the pregnancy weight. You may be thinking ... this lady is out of her mind, can't she just be thankful to be blessed with a child. Well, I am thankful, but in the meantime, I think that my concerns are like every other newly pregnant person that they just don't want to say. So sue me for speaking my mind.

Speaking of feeling blessed - I do feel blessed. After a tumultuous spring and early summer, we finally have a heart beat. I can tell you that there isn't quite anything like seeing, through the ultrasound monitor, the tiny, rapid beating of another life's heart. I keep thinking, "we really created this little life...how can this be?" I used to look at other women who yearned for children and hear them talk about the "miracle of life" and I would think to myself...yeah...yeah..yeah, whatever. You see, I never yearned for a little child in my arms. I like children, yes, but it was never something that I had to have - until last fall. Something happened. Call it my biological clock, call it something in the water. Whatever it was, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was nearly as surprised as my husband when the words "I must have a child" came flowing out of my mouth last November. So here we are. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Yes. Not nervous about having a child, but nervous about making it to 40 weeks. During my first pregnancy in January, I embraced my unborn child with all of my heart and soul. I spoke to my baby one day after a positive pregnancy test. I became attached to my child and after the miscarriage I was convinced that I and my relationship with my husband would never be the same. In many respects I am not the same, nor is our relationship. Having a miscarriage and feeling like you are responsible for death, will change you and it will change the way you relate to other people. I am lucky that my husband is the supportive person that he is, because this change had the potential to cause major damage. And while we did teter on the edge of happiness and despair many evenings, we made it through and are stronger than we were before.

So because of all of this I am being more cautious this time, although I found myself for the first time today (after something like 7 pregnancy tests, a doctors visit, an ultrasound and a heartbeat) saying to this newly created life ... "kid, you gotta stop demanding so much food, because mom is tired of being hungry all the time."

At times, this blog will likely be very emotional and I appreciate those of you who may read this in the future for bearing with us through what is truly a life-changing experience. I hope at times, though, we can also offer a few laughs as we traverse the road ahead. Thanks to those of you who are starting this journey with us and will see us through to the end, whatever the outcome may be.

.....and now I think it's time for a snack.

Day 2 of Blog and I havent Blown it yet

Day 2 and there is going to be a new post. After chatting with SRC last night I think she will be adding to the blog as well which is pretty cool. I am still settling in to the fact of all the things that have to be done. SRC on the other hand, is cool as the other side of the pillow. It is unique how we both are viewing this. I think there is still some concern, but I think slowly we are allowing ourselves to be more excited, knowing that anything can happen.

The Journey Begins

First off,let this first entry apologize for all grammatical mistakes and other linguistically incorrect things you may ever read in this blog. I do not claim to be a writer and have a tendency to write like I talk. I am also happy to annouce that Sarah has taken an interest and will likely be posting as well. She will be SRC and I am DC so you can tell us apart.

So yesterday I found out we are pregnant. I don’t think I like that phrase “we are pregnant." I am not pregnant. Sure I was there for part of the process, an important part at that, but realistically she is the one that is pregnant and has to go through ALL the changes that comes along with this process. We got a picture and everything. Tears welled up in our eyes when we saw a heartbeat. But now what? When I got a new puppy and went to the vet, they gave me a humongous package of crap. What to feed the new puppy? Housetraining the little one? Tricks for all dogs? Samples of stuff and much much more globs of information that got discarded err I mean carefully read and saved for a later use. For this life changing occurrence a got a firm handshake from the doctor.

That’s it? I think I may have found the starting point of the epidemic problem of broken families and why children show up on the first day of school not prepared. I realize that was a broad stroke of the brush but barring any setbacks and complications in April of 2009, we will be responsible for another human being and all I got was a handshake. I am freaking out(a good thing) about what to do next. I have been down the road of suffering from a miscarriage so there are parts of me that are slow to accept the reality of what may be occurring. That was a tough time. The other part of me has at least 312,098 questions. How hard do I wipe the baby's bum after it poops? When can it eat pizza? What kind of carseat do I need to purchase? How this? Why that? When do i? who does? Where can? You get my point, there are lots of questions from my point of view.

So needless to say, I owe work a couple of days because since yesterday all I can focus on is the situation at hand. There are apparently as many books out there on this subject as I have questions. I don’t think I have the time to read a book per question. The kid would be on Social Security by the time I got done.

So what did I ultimately decide to do? You’re reading it, I decided to start a blog. Not sure why other than to have an outlet for me. I may not even tell anyone about it just me. But as this new journey begins I am sure my question list will grow and I will be back here from time to time to check in and offer more tidbits of information.

There may be pictures as well. I am trying to talk the one that must be obeyed into allowing me to set up a place to take a picture of her everyday of the process. I know that is a stupid thing to do, but I think it will be cool. So you may or may not seem some pics, I will have to learn how to do that. I know enough about computers to be deadly, it only took me 45 minutes to get this thing setup after I realized I didn’t have a gmail account. I am the proud owner of a gmail account now and hope that I can remember the login name and password so I can find my way back here. Cheers, DC.