Monday, December 15, 2008
I worry therefore I am
I hope folks enjoyed SC’s post as much as I did. I have wanted to post about similar topics and glad that she took the lead. Takes the pressure off me, I don’t have to be funny since she has taken care of that. I too worry. Not a day goes by when my stomach hasn’t knotted up thinking about this process. By knotting up, almost to the point where I think I may puke myself and start getting the hot spits. Yesterday I went to a football game in Charlotte so I got to spend several hours of windshield time with some buddies of mine. One of them has two kids (a three year old and a 16 month old) and the other one has a 6 month old. One would think that most of the ride would have been talking about guy stuff, the usually crass stuff guys talk about, lets be honest, farting will always be funny to some of us for some reason. Oh wait, I am not supposed to be funny, back to the serious stuff. Most of the talk on the trip was focused on kids. I obviously had tons of questions but they also talked and shared stories about their kids. I learned what an uncontained poop is and how that is a bad thing at day care. I learned that some lactation consultants can be Nazis and not to worry too much about what they say you can confirm with a pediatrician concerns you may have. I learned that I should take pillows with me to the hospital because there offering of sleeping devices can not be considered comfortable even to the most exhausted person. I learned that bananas aren’t a good thing if you are trying to get a poop out of the little one. You get where I am going with this? I learned a lot. It was a great trip that I took a lot away from, and sitting up close on the 50 yard line wasn’t bad either. But even after such a good advice from friends, I am terrified for many of the reasons listed in the previous post. I realize that perfection is not expected and unobtainable; I just want to be the best parent I can. With ever question that comes up another manifests immediately. I think I turned out ok (I realize that many that know me could debate that) and can only hope and pray that this burden I am feeling can be transformed into positive parenting, thanks for listening. Amabo, I am sorry you have to be a part of this on the job training but hopefully we will not mess you up too bad before we get it figured out.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Pregnancy: What Not to Say and other thoughts
Organizing .... That's the name of the game. So since, November 7th, when we found out that this child is expected to be a girl (although sometimes the docs get it wrong, too...), we have organized a few cupboards, the pantry, our closet, and selected other projects throughout the house. Truthfully, I am confident that a lot more would be organized by now if the bonus room were done, but many things are having to wait on that project.
So, now I am working on a magazine project. I get Real Simple - which if you don't know of it, it is a fabulous magazine. I save the magazines because they have great ideas, simple solutions and wonderful recipes. After cleaning out the office the other day, I realized that I had an inordinate number of magazines that had piled up. My solution? Go through each magazine, pull out the good ideas, organize them and rid myself of the bulky magazines that are taking up room that Amabo will need when she arrives.
I came across the November 2007 issue of Real Simple and in it it had a list of things you should never say to people. Things like: "You look tired" Ask instead if everything is alright? One entire section of the article was dedicated to Pregnancy. Some samplings from the magazine:
Don't say: "Are you pregnant?"
Instead say: "Hello" or "Great to see you" or "You look great." Anything besides "Are you pregnant or "What's the due date?" will do.
Don't say: "Do you plan on breast-feeding?"
Instead say: Nothing.
I found this very funny. Clearly there are not many people in the world that have read this "etiquette" about pregnancy and the dos and don'ts. Recently, a co-worker hosted a Silpada Designs party (jewelry). The party was set up during work hours in one of the conference rooms. I walked over on my lunch hour to be supportive, wearing a large coat with scarf, and the Silpada representative (who I do NOT know) greeted me by saying, "Ooh...what do you have in there?" Then she proceeded to pat my stomach.
I did not buy anything.
I told Dan last night that I think that only recently pregnant people know the appropriate things to say to currently pregnant people. Last night at the North Carolina Master Chorale's Joy of the Season concert, a friend (who had a baby about 10 months ago) came up to me, gave me a big hug and said, "You look so wonderful!" What a nice thing to say to the pregnant lady that was feeling larger and more bloated than normal after a big and unexpected dinner at a fine steakhouse in Raleigh. I thanked her for that.
This whole process has been a great lesson in psychology...the psychology of other people and the psychology of myself.
Other new things: Dan is starting to talk to the baby. I guess he feels like he has to have his mouth right next to my stomach for her to hear him. This has been an interesting new development. He is also becoming increasingly more protective. Dan's new thing when we are in the car together is to ask if I am wearing my seatbelt properly. Poor poor Amabo. I fear you may not be able to leave the house until you are 21. And god help any boys that may be in the picture! Don't worry, Amabo, I will fight for you when I can!
This is a worry, though. Having a girl first. Perhaps we should have started with a boy. Too late now, and not like we have control over it anyway. But is having a girl first really a good thing? It is a good thing for Amabo, because my parents already have a grandson...so this means she is likely to get equal attention to the other grandchild. But is it good for us? Let me explain: It is likely that we will be more protective naturally of a girl. Not because we think females are the weaker sex - trust me, our marraige is an indication of our thoughts on that stereotype, but because Dan and I were both young once and we know what its like. Additionally, we are more likely to be more protective of a first child...right? So, my worry is that we will be doubly protective of Amabo which may not necessarily be a good thing. I am not sure that any of this paragraph actually made any sense..but I am leaving it in here anyway.
On to other things that I worry about: Nathan may eat my baby. Nathan is my 3 year old nephew who currently yields all of the attention of my parents. Pop pop (My dad) is wrapped around Nathan's pinky and every conversation with my mother is like watching an hour long program called "The funny things that Nathan did today." Now, if I know my dad at all, and if his relationship to me is any indication, Amabo will be a well-loved little girl. And I think my mother has already bought little girl clothing patterns to make for her. So, Nathan, sorry kid, but you are going to share the limelight whether you like it or not. One thing going for Amabo: Nathan's aunt and uncle on the other side of his family recently had a daughter and he did not eat Addison over the Thanksgiving holiday. She also lives 150 miles or more away. We only live 10 miles away....
In all seriousness, though, I do worry about many other things that actually matter. These things don't usually make the blog, because I haven't figured out how to make them funny yet. A friend recently asked if I worried about the labor part. I can't say that I really think about it that much, honestly. Women have been giving birth for generations and my mentality: if they can do it, I can do it ... and perhaps I can even do it better (for those of you that really know me, you know why that mentality of mine is true!). Anyway, what I worry more about is how am I going to intsill important and meaningful values into Amabo that will guide her life and her decisions for years to come? Is there a book on that? I joke that I worry about when I will know if my child can eat real food (or at least the goop in the baby food jars). But that isn't really my concern. My concern truly is how am I going to teach her how to make responsible decisions. So as a guide, I think back to my own child-hood. I cannot say that all of my decisions have been the best decisions, but I have been pretty responsible and definitely learned from any poor decisions that I made. How did my parents teach me this? I have no idea! I definitely got in trouble as a kid ... mostly for talking back (go figure, I got in trouble for voicing my opinion!). But how did that teach me how to be a good person? So, although I joke an awful lot about how funny this whole pregnany thing is, this is the way that I keep my sanity because if I couldn't find the humor in the day to day, I would lose my mind worrying about the next 18+ years ahead of me.
So, now I am working on a magazine project. I get Real Simple - which if you don't know of it, it is a fabulous magazine. I save the magazines because they have great ideas, simple solutions and wonderful recipes. After cleaning out the office the other day, I realized that I had an inordinate number of magazines that had piled up. My solution? Go through each magazine, pull out the good ideas, organize them and rid myself of the bulky magazines that are taking up room that Amabo will need when she arrives.
I came across the November 2007 issue of Real Simple and in it it had a list of things you should never say to people. Things like: "You look tired" Ask instead if everything is alright? One entire section of the article was dedicated to Pregnancy. Some samplings from the magazine:
Don't say: "Are you pregnant?"
Instead say: "Hello" or "Great to see you" or "You look great." Anything besides "Are you pregnant or "What's the due date?" will do.
Don't say: "Do you plan on breast-feeding?"
Instead say: Nothing.
I found this very funny. Clearly there are not many people in the world that have read this "etiquette" about pregnancy and the dos and don'ts. Recently, a co-worker hosted a Silpada Designs party (jewelry). The party was set up during work hours in one of the conference rooms. I walked over on my lunch hour to be supportive, wearing a large coat with scarf, and the Silpada representative (who I do NOT know) greeted me by saying, "Ooh...what do you have in there?" Then she proceeded to pat my stomach.
I did not buy anything.
I told Dan last night that I think that only recently pregnant people know the appropriate things to say to currently pregnant people. Last night at the North Carolina Master Chorale's Joy of the Season concert, a friend (who had a baby about 10 months ago) came up to me, gave me a big hug and said, "You look so wonderful!" What a nice thing to say to the pregnant lady that was feeling larger and more bloated than normal after a big and unexpected dinner at a fine steakhouse in Raleigh. I thanked her for that.
This whole process has been a great lesson in psychology...the psychology of other people and the psychology of myself.
Other new things: Dan is starting to talk to the baby. I guess he feels like he has to have his mouth right next to my stomach for her to hear him. This has been an interesting new development. He is also becoming increasingly more protective. Dan's new thing when we are in the car together is to ask if I am wearing my seatbelt properly. Poor poor Amabo. I fear you may not be able to leave the house until you are 21. And god help any boys that may be in the picture! Don't worry, Amabo, I will fight for you when I can!
This is a worry, though. Having a girl first. Perhaps we should have started with a boy. Too late now, and not like we have control over it anyway. But is having a girl first really a good thing? It is a good thing for Amabo, because my parents already have a grandson...so this means she is likely to get equal attention to the other grandchild. But is it good for us? Let me explain: It is likely that we will be more protective naturally of a girl. Not because we think females are the weaker sex - trust me, our marraige is an indication of our thoughts on that stereotype, but because Dan and I were both young once and we know what its like. Additionally, we are more likely to be more protective of a first child...right? So, my worry is that we will be doubly protective of Amabo which may not necessarily be a good thing. I am not sure that any of this paragraph actually made any sense..but I am leaving it in here anyway.
On to other things that I worry about: Nathan may eat my baby. Nathan is my 3 year old nephew who currently yields all of the attention of my parents. Pop pop (My dad) is wrapped around Nathan's pinky and every conversation with my mother is like watching an hour long program called "The funny things that Nathan did today." Now, if I know my dad at all, and if his relationship to me is any indication, Amabo will be a well-loved little girl. And I think my mother has already bought little girl clothing patterns to make for her. So, Nathan, sorry kid, but you are going to share the limelight whether you like it or not. One thing going for Amabo: Nathan's aunt and uncle on the other side of his family recently had a daughter and he did not eat Addison over the Thanksgiving holiday. She also lives 150 miles or more away. We only live 10 miles away....
In all seriousness, though, I do worry about many other things that actually matter. These things don't usually make the blog, because I haven't figured out how to make them funny yet. A friend recently asked if I worried about the labor part. I can't say that I really think about it that much, honestly. Women have been giving birth for generations and my mentality: if they can do it, I can do it ... and perhaps I can even do it better (for those of you that really know me, you know why that mentality of mine is true!). Anyway, what I worry more about is how am I going to intsill important and meaningful values into Amabo that will guide her life and her decisions for years to come? Is there a book on that? I joke that I worry about when I will know if my child can eat real food (or at least the goop in the baby food jars). But that isn't really my concern. My concern truly is how am I going to teach her how to make responsible decisions. So as a guide, I think back to my own child-hood. I cannot say that all of my decisions have been the best decisions, but I have been pretty responsible and definitely learned from any poor decisions that I made. How did my parents teach me this? I have no idea! I definitely got in trouble as a kid ... mostly for talking back (go figure, I got in trouble for voicing my opinion!). But how did that teach me how to be a good person? So, although I joke an awful lot about how funny this whole pregnany thing is, this is the way that I keep my sanity because if I couldn't find the humor in the day to day, I would lose my mind worrying about the next 18+ years ahead of me.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Another Doc visit, all continues to be well
I am sure glad that SC took well to this blog idea. She has done a fantastic job at keeping everyone updated and bringing an awesome sense of humor to the process. We had another doctors visit last week. Up to this point I have attended every visit but may need to reconsider that( I know SC is crossing her fingers that I quit going to all of them) after the last visit. The total time spent inside the doors of the doctors office was less than 20 minutes.
We were in and out in no time. We arrive a little early after stopping for some breakfast. It has become a tradition for us to stop at McD’s and grab some grub before we go. She got called back, moments later she appeared to summon me back, wait a few months for doctor to come, he asks some questions, she answers some questions, and we are done. All is progressing well.
Next time we will check to see if the baby has diabetes, they gave SC some stuff to drink before the meeting, so more than likely I will attend that one. But from now I may ask about the status of the meeting before making reservations. That being said, I will likely not miss one(I imagine SC is banging head on wall again, but it should be a little soft by now, the wall that is not her head)
The room is progressing quite well. I am hopeful it could be ready to get its first coat of paint by the weeks end. However, Christmas parties are starting to get in the way. Also, our pile of stuff for amabo is starting to increase. She will most definitely have some cute NC State to wear which I cannot wait to to put on her and watch some wolfpack sports.
That’s about all I got for now, sorry for the sporadic thoughts but wanted to put up about the visit to doc.
We were in and out in no time. We arrive a little early after stopping for some breakfast. It has become a tradition for us to stop at McD’s and grab some grub before we go. She got called back, moments later she appeared to summon me back, wait a few months for doctor to come, he asks some questions, she answers some questions, and we are done. All is progressing well.
Next time we will check to see if the baby has diabetes, they gave SC some stuff to drink before the meeting, so more than likely I will attend that one. But from now I may ask about the status of the meeting before making reservations. That being said, I will likely not miss one(I imagine SC is banging head on wall again, but it should be a little soft by now, the wall that is not her head)
The room is progressing quite well. I am hopeful it could be ready to get its first coat of paint by the weeks end. However, Christmas parties are starting to get in the way. Also, our pile of stuff for amabo is starting to increase. She will most definitely have some cute NC State to wear which I cannot wait to to put on her and watch some wolfpack sports.
That’s about all I got for now, sorry for the sporadic thoughts but wanted to put up about the visit to doc.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Joys of Pregnancy: Being a Chub-A-Lub!
It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted and I decided that readers needed an update.
I have week 23 doctors appointment on Thursday and I have been weight obsessed since week 19. (If you read my last post, you will understand). Apparently I gained too much weight between weeks 15 and 19 and now I am nearly concerned that the doc will tell me I haven't gained enough between week 19 and 23. I have only gained about 3 lbs so far since the last appt, although this is still more than the 1/2 lbs allowance that Dr. No was willing to give me four weeks ago. So we'll see. The docs appt is not with Dr. No this time. It is with our fave doc. And if he says that I am a "chub-a-lub" (in the words of a coworker and friend) then I know it's true.
Other new developments: I am enjoying this whole pregnancy thing more now than I was. Don't get me wrong - it is still a means to end for me. If I could do it another way without the weight gain, stretch marks, back ache, etc...then I would be all over it. But alas, I am not independently wealthy so growing my baby in a petri dish probably isn't going to happen. Anyway, where was I? Oh right ... enjoying this more. By enjoying more, I mean a couple of things:
1) For the past four weeks, I have enjoyed being sick/nauseous-free. Blissful! I don't think I realized I bad I truly felt during weeks 6-19 until I finally felt good. Of course, then I was completely worried that something was wrong (again, if you have read very early posts you will understand that I need a sign!). I wouldn't say that I am glowing, however, although I was told last Wednesday that I had a "pregnant-lady glow." I think it was more the fact that I found my eye-lash curler (MIA for a year) and was inspired to do full make-up.
2) I finally look halfway pregnant. That's right. I am no longer just the girl whose stealin' all the snacks (although Dr. No would say otherwise). My belly is definitely rounder. Now,this looking pregnant business is double-edged. On the one hand, you definitely get more doors opened for you and more offers to help lift things. This is nice. On the other hand, once people realize you are pregnant and not just chubby, the advise comes. For example: Why in the world are my breasts and breast feeding a good topic of conversation? Perhaps if I brought it up, that would be one thing. But when a co-worker that you aren't all that close too asks, as the first thing after finding out your news, "So, are you gonna breast feed?" My response: "Well..." And that was as far as I got, friends. I was cut off before I could politely answer and excuse myself to an entire conversation about why I needed to breast feed, etc...etc...The conversation was probably only about 5 minutes long, but it felt like an eternity.
My favorite thing about this stage of pregnancy though are the people who engage me in conversation, not knowing I am pregnant, and I catch them taking several glances at my newly round belly trying to figure out if I am really pregnant or not. Sure, I could tell them, but it is more fun to watch this situation pan out. It's almost as if I can hear them asking themselves "should I ask? But what if she isn't....?" One co-worker flat out asked me. Although I wouldn't recommend this tactic under normal circumstances, I appreciate this type of directness. Mind you, if I wasn't pregnant, that co-worker would have found himself defying gravity that day and flying through the air. Lucky for him that I am "with child."
A new name: My five year-old cousin was over for Thanksgiving and made several wise observations about this baby on the way. After several questions about where would the baby's room be, where would the music be in the baby's room (because everyone knows you have to have music in the baby's room...she reminded me!), she asked me what the baby's name would be? I told her in my most serious manner "Amabo." She took a deep breath in, crinkled up her nose and was clearly dissatisfied. Rather than offer a new first name, however, she offered a much better option. She replied to me, "How about Amabo Rose?" What a wise little girl! She made the name prettier without offending me! I think that she will be pleased when the baby comes and realizes that we aren't actually going to name her Amabo.
Well - that's it for now. I can't promise this, but expect a post after Thursday's docs appt.
I have week 23 doctors appointment on Thursday and I have been weight obsessed since week 19. (If you read my last post, you will understand). Apparently I gained too much weight between weeks 15 and 19 and now I am nearly concerned that the doc will tell me I haven't gained enough between week 19 and 23. I have only gained about 3 lbs so far since the last appt, although this is still more than the 1/2 lbs allowance that Dr. No was willing to give me four weeks ago. So we'll see. The docs appt is not with Dr. No this time. It is with our fave doc. And if he says that I am a "chub-a-lub" (in the words of a coworker and friend) then I know it's true.
Other new developments: I am enjoying this whole pregnancy thing more now than I was. Don't get me wrong - it is still a means to end for me. If I could do it another way without the weight gain, stretch marks, back ache, etc...then I would be all over it. But alas, I am not independently wealthy so growing my baby in a petri dish probably isn't going to happen. Anyway, where was I? Oh right ... enjoying this more. By enjoying more, I mean a couple of things:
1) For the past four weeks, I have enjoyed being sick/nauseous-free. Blissful! I don't think I realized I bad I truly felt during weeks 6-19 until I finally felt good. Of course, then I was completely worried that something was wrong (again, if you have read very early posts you will understand that I need a sign!). I wouldn't say that I am glowing, however, although I was told last Wednesday that I had a "pregnant-lady glow." I think it was more the fact that I found my eye-lash curler (MIA for a year) and was inspired to do full make-up.
2) I finally look halfway pregnant. That's right. I am no longer just the girl whose stealin' all the snacks (although Dr. No would say otherwise). My belly is definitely rounder. Now,this looking pregnant business is double-edged. On the one hand, you definitely get more doors opened for you and more offers to help lift things. This is nice. On the other hand, once people realize you are pregnant and not just chubby, the advise comes. For example: Why in the world are my breasts and breast feeding a good topic of conversation? Perhaps if I brought it up, that would be one thing. But when a co-worker that you aren't all that close too asks, as the first thing after finding out your news, "So, are you gonna breast feed?" My response: "Well..." And that was as far as I got, friends. I was cut off before I could politely answer and excuse myself to an entire conversation about why I needed to breast feed, etc...etc...The conversation was probably only about 5 minutes long, but it felt like an eternity.
My favorite thing about this stage of pregnancy though are the people who engage me in conversation, not knowing I am pregnant, and I catch them taking several glances at my newly round belly trying to figure out if I am really pregnant or not. Sure, I could tell them, but it is more fun to watch this situation pan out. It's almost as if I can hear them asking themselves "should I ask? But what if she isn't....?" One co-worker flat out asked me. Although I wouldn't recommend this tactic under normal circumstances, I appreciate this type of directness. Mind you, if I wasn't pregnant, that co-worker would have found himself defying gravity that day and flying through the air. Lucky for him that I am "with child."
A new name: My five year-old cousin was over for Thanksgiving and made several wise observations about this baby on the way. After several questions about where would the baby's room be, where would the music be in the baby's room (because everyone knows you have to have music in the baby's room...she reminded me!), she asked me what the baby's name would be? I told her in my most serious manner "Amabo." She took a deep breath in, crinkled up her nose and was clearly dissatisfied. Rather than offer a new first name, however, she offered a much better option. She replied to me, "How about Amabo Rose?" What a wise little girl! She made the name prettier without offending me! I think that she will be pleased when the baby comes and realizes that we aren't actually going to name her Amabo.
Well - that's it for now. I can't promise this, but expect a post after Thursday's docs appt.
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