More on Sympathy Pains

For the record, I have not and will not ever experience sympathy pains during this process. In reading one of the 371 books on the subject that we are facing, there was a section on said pains. Nothing I am experiencing is in anyhow related to this process. It is more related to the fact that on Wednesday I turned 33 and is reason for my "pains."

If this process runs the course and occurs as planned, I will lay it all on line to be the best father I can be. That said, during the next few months, I want to try as hard as I can to be the best I can be for SC, even if that means dragginy my tubby but out of bed early to rub her back as she is parying to the porcelain gods. Or having popcorn with her at 4:30 in the morning. DC

Sympathy Pains? Seriously...

Don't think that I don't appreciate the sympathy - trust me, I do. Especially when I am running to the bathroom for the 968th time to pee and/or vomit. However, does my husband have sympathy pains for me ... the verdict is still out. Yes, he has been exhausted - arguably just as much as I have. But, I should also tell you that on Monday we were out late at his softball game, ate dinner at 9:00 pm finally and then I went to bed, while he stayed up to watch the Democratic Convention. Then Tuesday night, with his parents still in town, he stayed up late and watched the convention while I went to bed. Wednesday night was no different. Thursday night, he was out until 11:30 pm watching NCSU get their brains beat in by South Carolina. So, is he tired - absolutely! Sympathy pains?...questionable. All I am saying is that before he gripes about his aches and pains out of sympathy for me, he should be thankful that he doesn't have to carry our pea in his pod, cause I am not quite sure he would make it 40 weeks. So to all women who have ever been pregnant and have husbands who complain about their "sympathy" pains, I raise a glass to you (in April after we meet our little pea of course!).

This is more fun than I thought

This has been a lot of fun so far. I enjoy reading SC's post. She is a riot and makes me laugh on here just like she does in real life. We are both still quite nervous but I think we are starting to allow some excitement to creep in. We also had our first major announcement of the current situation. We told my mom, step dad, and brother on Monday. I knew that Mom would want to know and they were in town so we told them. Not sure where we are on more unveiling of the news or some type of major roll out of the information. I will let SC decide when to tell her parents, and I think we would like to reach that 12 week milestone before a press release is issued. We have another doctors appointment next week so we hope to learn more then.

Mom was super excited. I took the chance on telling her so if something happens we (or me) will have a small network of folks to talk to about the situation. I learned long time ago that it is not good to keep bad feelings trapped inside. We also swore mom to secrecy on this subject as we wait to get out of the danger zone. There is a trip to Asheville planned for later September that may be a platform for the information to get out.

I looked at my library report today and I have 15 books checked out with a super majority of them being about the situation we are facing. We have found one that we both really enjoy and I have ordered it, and hope it will arrive early next week. I have found some of the books not very helpful at all, but that is probably more based on their layout rather than the information conveyed. There is one, i think the title is, My Boys Can Swim, it seems to be quite irreverent on important subject matters but is entertaining in the way it is written. I look forward to reading more of it.

Well I guess that is it for now, I have been told that today is my birthday and I am required to go out with people and celebrate. Should be fun although I am wicked tired today for some reason . I think it is sympathy pains from what SC is going through. LOL. DC

A Sign?

Okay...so the past few days I have felt entirely too good to be pregnant. Sure, on Wednesday I had a clear sign of sickness and then Thursday I took a nauseous pill first thing and felt great all day. My questions is simple...was it the pill that made me feel great or is something wrong and my pregnancy symptoms are gone? So on Friday, I neglected to take any medicine and I felt worse than Thursday, but not as bad as Wednesday. What does this mean?

Last night, I said a little prayer for the Lord to send me a sign that I was really pregnant. Now, I am well aware that this is dangerous to do. Look at Zechariah after all. He wasn't able to speak for nine months until his son, John the Baptist, was born. So, in my prayer I was very specific that I wanted some more symptoms of pregnancy just as proof that all was going okay.

This backfired because now I am befuddled once again. I have been reading that I might notice that my veins are more prominent now that they are working so much harder to pump blood. So today, I am almost certain that my veins are definitely bluer. However, as with every other pregnancy "symptom" I have experienced, it has been clouded in a sea of doubt and questioned. When I got out of the shower and examined my newly found blue-ish veins, I thought, "perhaps I just didn't notice these before."

Short of an angel of the Lord coming to visit me to say, "The Lord has heard your prayer and has blessed you with a child," I am unlikely to truly embrace that this is actually happening. I know that I will feel more at ease on September 3rd at the next doctors visit, although this still feels a life time away. Until then, I will keep praying for peace, which my good friends Lori and Donald taught me to do and perhaps I will slip in a little prayer for a sign. I hope that God knows that I am not looking to be a mute for the next seven months. I am certain, though, that this is exactly what my husband is praying for.

The Week of Sickness

So last week can be more appropriately named the "Week of Hunger." You'll recall from previous posts that I was eating nearly everything in sight. Not so much this week. As I walked to the cafeteria at Duke to locate some food for myself and my growing belly, I could find nothing that appealed to me save a chocolate shake. I ordered a salad anyway with chicken. I brought the salad back to my office, opened it and sighed. This is NOT what I want. So what do I want....nothing ... except for the chocolate shake that I bought. Later in the afternoon, I went to a Duke picnic for incoming freshman (no, I am not a freshman, but free food is often a perq I get working for Duke). I bypassed all the meat, options that would have normally gotten my attention immediately, and went straight for the potato salad. That hit the spot.

So after feeling nauseous yesterday and unable to find anything I wanted to eat except for the chocolate shake and potato salad, I filled my zofran prescription from the OB/GYN. I thought I was doing well this morning. I had a glass of milk and an apple for breakfast and didn't feel sick at all...that is until I got to work. I popped a zofran and minutes after found myself sprinting to the restroom. Needless to say, my stomach is now empty.

Big Sigh! I am feeling that this is what is in store for me for the next few weeks and hopefully only a few weeks - but we'll see. It's a good thing that we are able to invoke our short-term memory when it comes to dealing with the journey of pregnancy. If not, I am quite certain we would have far fewer people in the world.

Its tough being a Dog

Man oh man. Now there are lots of people out there that own animals. We for example own three border collies, Keeper, Wrigley, and Fly. I also further understand that not everyone in the world interacts with their companion animals the way we do. I also would note that there are people out there that are crazier than we are about their animals. We love our dogs; two of them share a bed with us at night and we would love nothing more than the third one to join us. She has some common sense and sleeps under the bed where it is cooler, I would join her most nights, but I don’t fit. Our dogs get taken to the park nearly 95% of the days of the year. You will have to trust me on that one, I did the math. Our dogs play dog sports. Our dogs go with us everywhere they can; we know every place in town that allows dogs on their patio so we can take the dogs out to eat with us. On the weekends in the summer if we are in town, we take the dogs to the flea market for a walk and then to the lake for a swim. I say all this to prove that we are crazy dog people.

Well this morning, the oldest dog, Keeper,5, was not her usual self. By that I mean, she did not hop into bed with us first thing this morning, she did not want to go and play ball with her mom as mom dried her hair… and stop the press, the dog did not eat this morning. I thought Armageddon was upon us, this dog is a chow hound and usually consumes all her food by the time I have fed Fly and put the lid back on the food container. Something was wrong with her. As I hear these symptoms mount up, I rise out of bed way earlier than need be and start trying to assess this situation.

We were both very concerned about her, so I assure SC that I will call the vet first thing. I actually called at 720 knowing they did not open till 8, hoping someone would answer. They actually open at 730 but the doctor would not be in till 8. We are way past making a long story short, but the dog went back to the vet this a.m. they determined she was having an allergic reaction to the vaccinations that she received yesterday. She got an IV of fluids, a steroid shot, and was sent on her merry way. What in the blue hill does this have to do with anything? A lot!

We were panicked over our dog this morning. How will this translate to another human life? I haven’t gotten too far along in all those books from the library this weekend, but I am fairly certain that it, the little one, will not be able to communicate well for the first few years. When I awake and have a malady, I share it with SC and then pick the appropriate professional medical provider that accepts my insurance and go to visit them to get a remedy for malady. When a kid is sick, how do you know? I am sure it will cry but that is less than a scientific way to determine what the affliction is. In the past I have vowed not to be the parent that runs their kid to the doctor when it sneezes three times consecutively, but I am rethinking that; especially after this morning.

This morning, our dog was noticeably sick and we both were extremely concerned, I have no doubts it will be equally if not more pronounced when it’s another human life. Man, I think having all these questions is a good thing, but it makes me worry. I am the type that wants to fix things when they need to be fixed. I think that is something that many of us with the Y chromosome do. We all live imperfect lives, but and this will journey will be no different. However, I would like to keep the number of hiccups to a minimum and do the best by this new life form that may be entering into our lives.

By the way, the dog is fine; she is asleep under my feet right now. That doesn’t mean that I have stopped worrying about her, or that more questions have jumped into my brain. DC

Nesting over the weekend....Na, not yet!

So is nesting defined as waking up early on a Saturday (before 9) and cleaning the house for three hours straight before doing anything else productive? I doubt it, but it sure did feel like it. Just joking, the house was in dire need of a cleaning, and I think it just coincided with the timing of everything. The other funny thing is, as you may have read, is that SC is ravishingly hungry all the time. Now that is fine if you are the pregnant one, but if you are the one that needs to drop a few lbs this is not very advantageous. This morning there was some leftover rice for breakfast before the dentist, and then at 10, it was time to eat again. Lunch came in the form of mac and cheese around noon, and now its time for a bratwurst. For me, I am off to the gym, it is my goal to lose some of that extra weight and to take better care of myself. I think it is my idea of leading by example, its not fair to ask someone to do something you cant do yourself.

There was also a trip to the library this weekend. Let’s just say that I almost bought one of those cloth environmentally friendly bags to carry all the books in that I checked out. Most of them for the daddy to be books, a couple on fatherhood. I don’t think I am quite that far along to need the fatherhood books yet, so my focus will be on basics first. How to deal with SC during all this? What can I do to help out the most? And other things along those lines. So far, my first emotions have been justified by what I am reading which makes me feel more normal about the whole process.

We took all three dogs to the vet today for their annual checkup and it was over 600 bucks, that made me very thankful for insurance. Our one dog is mightily afraid of the vet, so bad in fact, the vet has urged us to give her prescription meds to calm her down. We tried today and it didn’t work, she was scratching and clawing trying to get away and her heart was racing. I do not like it when my dog, or anything for that matter, is that afraid of something. I hope I can handle having a child that is afraid of something one day. I hope I will know what to say to calm them down and hopefully get them over their fears. I know that even as an adult I am afraid of things, but at least I know how to get over that. I hope that as a father I can do ok by this kid. I think that is my biggest fear. DC

The Hungry Caterpillar

First off....let me apologize for all of my husband's grammatical and spelling errors. I realize that he offered his apologies earlier, but I am not sure that does it justice. You see, this has been a point of contention since our dating days over five years ago. My husband does type like he talks and frankly, I am concerned that this will transfer to our unborn child. Instead of having one grammatically challenged person to correct every day, I will have two. Not sure that I can handle this.

Okay, on to the issue at hand. All I really want to know is when will I stop being hungry? This morning, I had a breakfast bar at 7:00 am. At 8:30 am, I felt a little hungry and proceeded to eat my entire bag of saltines that was supposed to last all day. At 10:30 am, starving yet again, I ate an orange. And then at 11:30 am, I was counting the seconds until lunch. I am like the main character in the book "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. As a kid, growing up, I would read that book and wonder how in the world one animal could be capable of this type of hunger. Well now, when I read that book to junior, I will sadly be able to say, "Look, that was your mom when she was pregnant with you."

So while I eat my way through the hours (thankfully not eating through the pages of books like the hungry caterpillar), I have another fear - how am I going to lose all the pregnancy weight. You may be thinking ... this lady is out of her mind, can't she just be thankful to be blessed with a child. Well, I am thankful, but in the meantime, I think that my concerns are like every other newly pregnant person that they just don't want to say. So sue me for speaking my mind.

Speaking of feeling blessed - I do feel blessed. After a tumultuous spring and early summer, we finally have a heart beat. I can tell you that there isn't quite anything like seeing, through the ultrasound monitor, the tiny, rapid beating of another life's heart. I keep thinking, "we really created this little life...how can this be?" I used to look at other women who yearned for children and hear them talk about the "miracle of life" and I would think to myself...yeah...yeah..yeah, whatever. You see, I never yearned for a little child in my arms. I like children, yes, but it was never something that I had to have - until last fall. Something happened. Call it my biological clock, call it something in the water. Whatever it was, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was nearly as surprised as my husband when the words "I must have a child" came flowing out of my mouth last November. So here we are. Excited? Yes. Nervous? Yes. Not nervous about having a child, but nervous about making it to 40 weeks. During my first pregnancy in January, I embraced my unborn child with all of my heart and soul. I spoke to my baby one day after a positive pregnancy test. I became attached to my child and after the miscarriage I was convinced that I and my relationship with my husband would never be the same. In many respects I am not the same, nor is our relationship. Having a miscarriage and feeling like you are responsible for death, will change you and it will change the way you relate to other people. I am lucky that my husband is the supportive person that he is, because this change had the potential to cause major damage. And while we did teter on the edge of happiness and despair many evenings, we made it through and are stronger than we were before.

So because of all of this I am being more cautious this time, although I found myself for the first time today (after something like 7 pregnancy tests, a doctors visit, an ultrasound and a heartbeat) saying to this newly created life ... "kid, you gotta stop demanding so much food, because mom is tired of being hungry all the time."

At times, this blog will likely be very emotional and I appreciate those of you who may read this in the future for bearing with us through what is truly a life-changing experience. I hope at times, though, we can also offer a few laughs as we traverse the road ahead. Thanks to those of you who are starting this journey with us and will see us through to the end, whatever the outcome may be.

.....and now I think it's time for a snack.

Day 2 of Blog and I havent Blown it yet

Day 2 and there is going to be a new post. After chatting with SRC last night I think she will be adding to the blog as well which is pretty cool. I am still settling in to the fact of all the things that have to be done. SRC on the other hand, is cool as the other side of the pillow. It is unique how we both are viewing this. I think there is still some concern, but I think slowly we are allowing ourselves to be more excited, knowing that anything can happen.

The Journey Begins

First off,let this first entry apologize for all grammatical mistakes and other linguistically incorrect things you may ever read in this blog. I do not claim to be a writer and have a tendency to write like I talk. I am also happy to annouce that Sarah has taken an interest and will likely be posting as well. She will be SRC and I am DC so you can tell us apart.

So yesterday I found out we are pregnant. I don’t think I like that phrase “we are pregnant." I am not pregnant. Sure I was there for part of the process, an important part at that, but realistically she is the one that is pregnant and has to go through ALL the changes that comes along with this process. We got a picture and everything. Tears welled up in our eyes when we saw a heartbeat. But now what? When I got a new puppy and went to the vet, they gave me a humongous package of crap. What to feed the new puppy? Housetraining the little one? Tricks for all dogs? Samples of stuff and much much more globs of information that got discarded err I mean carefully read and saved for a later use. For this life changing occurrence a got a firm handshake from the doctor.

That’s it? I think I may have found the starting point of the epidemic problem of broken families and why children show up on the first day of school not prepared. I realize that was a broad stroke of the brush but barring any setbacks and complications in April of 2009, we will be responsible for another human being and all I got was a handshake. I am freaking out(a good thing) about what to do next. I have been down the road of suffering from a miscarriage so there are parts of me that are slow to accept the reality of what may be occurring. That was a tough time. The other part of me has at least 312,098 questions. How hard do I wipe the baby's bum after it poops? When can it eat pizza? What kind of carseat do I need to purchase? How this? Why that? When do i? who does? Where can? You get my point, there are lots of questions from my point of view.

So needless to say, I owe work a couple of days because since yesterday all I can focus on is the situation at hand. There are apparently as many books out there on this subject as I have questions. I don’t think I have the time to read a book per question. The kid would be on Social Security by the time I got done.

So what did I ultimately decide to do? You’re reading it, I decided to start a blog. Not sure why other than to have an outlet for me. I may not even tell anyone about it just me. But as this new journey begins I am sure my question list will grow and I will be back here from time to time to check in and offer more tidbits of information.

There may be pictures as well. I am trying to talk the one that must be obeyed into allowing me to set up a place to take a picture of her everyday of the process. I know that is a stupid thing to do, but I think it will be cool. So you may or may not seem some pics, I will have to learn how to do that. I know enough about computers to be deadly, it only took me 45 minutes to get this thing setup after I realized I didn’t have a gmail account. I am the proud owner of a gmail account now and hope that I can remember the login name and password so I can find my way back here. Cheers, DC.