Sharing the News

Well....the official announcing has begun. Yes, we did already tell Dan's mom, but that's only because Dan was overly anxious to tell someone. For me, the official announcing didn't start until last night, when we broke the news to my parents - who apparently had already been gossiping with other family members about whether or not I was pregnant. Apparently my lack of drinking was an indicator. First of all, the lack of drinking and the zero caffeine happened two months before the onset of my condition...so why can't people just accept that I went for a lifestyle change? To be honest with you the lifestyle change had to happen. After the miscarriage in late January, I felt completely out of control - although still not drinking all the time, when I did drink, it was getting out of hand too quickly. So, in an effort to pull myself together and prove that I could be disciplined, I quit drinking and I quit caffeine as another form of discipline. So there you go.

So anyway, breaking the news to my parents went well. Although they are ready to be much more excited than I am. I am still waiting for the call from the docs office to say, "We reviewed your blood work, and....we're sorry..." I know that I should think positively and although those positive thoughts don't surface where they are visible, they are there - trust me. They are there when I walk past the maternity store in the mall, they are there when I stroll by the children's section at Target. They are there. But, I can't let them flow externally yet, because I am not ready. If I embrace this for what it is, I am worried about major let down. And having gotten further than I did the last time, seen a heartbeat and finally gotten my "new pregnant lady" package from the OB Nurse, imagine how emotionally broken I will be this time around. Last time, the only proof I had that something was actually happening was a stick with two pink lines on it - and I was thrust into emotional trauma for days, weeks and months. I don't want to do that again. So, when will I allow myself to let the emotions pour out of me...I don't know. I spoke with a woman recently who had a miscarriage with first pregnancy and when she got pregnant again, she couldn't embrace it until 14-15 weeks. So, this is normal.

That's all for now. I rather un-funny post for me ... my apologies to the readers.