Sentimentalism

I generally consider myself sentimental. I keep things from my past, I cry during all the appropriate parts of movies, books, etc...But, I am not sentimental about this whole pregnancy thing. So this had me thinking - what exactly is the dictionary definition of sentimental? Maybe I am missing something. Here is what I found:

1.	expressive of or appealing to sentiment, esp. the tender emotions and feelings, as love, pity, or nostalgia: a sentimental song.

2.	pertaining to or dependent on sentiment: We kept the old photograph for purely sentimental reasons.

3.	weakly emotional; mawkishly susceptible or tender: the sentimental Victorians.

4.	characterized by or showing sentiment or refined feeling.

Yep - that defines me in many other areas in life but not this one. So why is that? Why am I not expressive with tender emotions and feelings about this whole thing? During a conversation today at work, while looking at somebody's wedding pictures of the bride crying during the ceremony, I was asked "Does it remind you of your wedding?" My response, "Yes, but I wasn't crying." Really, I wasn't crying? I was surprised to hear myself say that, afterall, I am a sentimental person, but it is true - there were no tears on my wedding day. So why is this? It's because I am a planner. When it comes to big events, whether life changing or a trip to NY, I plan every detail, using excel spreadsheets, cataloging information in notebooks, etc... And here in lies one of the reasons that I am not sentimental about this whole baby thing.

Now, I have no doubt that once he or she is here, I will be saving everything from the baby's first spoon to the baby's first stuffed animal, to the baby's first (you name it). But for now, here is pretty much what I think about: Baby comes in early April. What does this mean?
November - finish bonus room walls and paint
- pick a day care and get on the waiting list
- amend budget for 2009 in order to pay for day care
- determine how much vacation time I have built up for maternity leave
December - Lay floor in bonus room and have furniture moved in by Christmas
- do this while preparing to host Thanksgiving and Christmas shop
- also put up all the Christmas decorations during this time
- don't forget the Christmas cards
- don't forget to speak with HR about maternity leave
December - Travel to Asheville
January - Begin working on nursery
- start thinking about showers, hosts, guest lists etc.
February - Finish Nursery
February - Attend maternity classes
March - attend "Breastfeeding for dummies"
March - wrap up job, figure out who can take over some of the day to day things
And finally: Do all of these planning things while I continue to work full time, building the Student Affairs development plan, put together trips for visiting prospects as well as events to find prospects in 3-4 major cities from February-April. Not to mention, that I still have things to do at the house, laundry, being a dog mom, a wife, etc..etc...

Now - I am not complaining, trust me! For the readers, you might say, "Just Relax...all of this stuff will get done." Well, frankly, I am not really worried about it getting done, because it will. And I know this, because I will plan to get it done and for me, there is no other way for it to happen. But, this is some insight into the way my brain works. I don't just sit and relax and enjoy the moment. Does this make me a bad person? You might think so, but I don't think it is really a bad thing. It is who I am. I also never do one thing at a time - so this is typical. Does it mean that I run ragged occasionally? Yes, but that is okay with me - I like to have a busy schedule.

A co-worker recently asked me if I was ok. I was surprised at this question. She said that I just looked doom and gloom now, not like a few months ago when I was smiley and happy. Hmmm...interesting assessment. I told her that I was just tired. And frankly I am. Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the "sentiment" of this person in asking how I was. But, this is also the same person who said something to the effect of "you should be so happy and glowing..." Well, happy I am, but glowing, doubtful. I am not glowing because I have a lot that I am thinking about right now and a lot I need to get done.

So, I know that there are a lot of women who loved being pregnant and also a lot of women who would like to say (or have already said to me) that this is a blessing and I ought to be happy. Well, I am happy and they are right - this is a blessing. But it is truly a means to a more miraculous end for me. And then, I can be sentimental...