Growing Up

I am really not trying to "one-up" Dan by blogging tonight. I was planning on blogging today anyway, but was a little busy earlier today with an unexpected relative in town. You see, I have this wonderful aunt that lives in Georgia who came to town for a few days last night. The problem? Well, she forgot to tell anyone that she was coming! Oh well. Emily and I have a routine that we usually stick to, but we interrupted it today to hang out with Aunt Kathy.

I am not entirely certain what I am going to do when Emily has her first skinned knee. You see, last week, all week long I needed to cut her finger nails. I had done it the week before, but newborns fingernails grow really quickly and they needed another trim. I had been putting it off for several days, not because I didn't want to do it, but because it was always inconvenient...I thought of it at an inconvenient time, the nail clippers were out of reach...etc...On Friday, Emily and I were hanging out in the new man room (which isn't really a man room at all -- Let's be honest, it's Emily's play room). Emily started to get a little fussy and she was moving her arms all about and she swiped her hand across her face and scratched herself. This was no small scratch. Her nails were like little knives and she really gave herself a good scratch. At first, I thought maybe she didn't notice what she had done, but it only took a brief second before she let out a wail of pain. I felt so bad and my tears started to flow. I thought, "this is it...I have to cut her nails right now because I am the reason that she has this terrible scratch on her face." So I calmed her down and she was resting peacefully and I got the nail clippers and I started to cut. Her middle finger on her left hand was particularly long so I was trying to get the edges trimmed nice and neat ... and ... I clipped her finger...It didn't bleed a lot, but it did bleed and she did cry and then I cried - somewhat uncontrollably. I felt so bad!! I had hurt my daughter, albeit unintentionally, but I had hurt her!!

I came down stairs with my tear stained face (By this point, Emily was already back to sleep and had forgotten about the entire ordeal!) and Dan asked me what was wrong. I relayed "the incident" and he assured me that this would not be the last time I hurt her..." GREAT! I have more of this to look forward to? So what am I going to do the first time she skins her knee on the pavement while playing? Am I going to sob while I put some neosporin and a bandaid on it? Probably! Or maybe I will have learned by that point that accidents happen and as much as I want to protect her from every affliction in the world, this is part of growing up...growing up for me as much as it is for her.

Speaking of growing up...four weeks into it I am finally starting to feel like I am NOT a teen-mom. All during the pregnancy I kept thinking, "I am not old enough to be having a baby...this is like a teen pregnancy." Of course, I am more than old enough to have a child, old enough in fact to have several children. But I didn't feel like it. Why? I have no idea. I own a house, two cars, am married, care for three dogs, have a full time job with benefits and even have a life insurance policy that I pay for. Of course I am old enough but for some reason I couldn't wrap my head around being a "mom" during the pregnancy. Well, motherhood has been embraced fully. True, the first week I felt a little like I was playing house, but now it feels like what I have always done.

Sure, there are a lot of things that I miss about being a kid - seemingly endless summers, playing outside, cartoons, eating macaroni and cheese every day for lunch and not gaining an ounce! But now, I just get to live that through Emily from a different perspective. And that's kindda fun.

The baby girl

Folks, wow it has been a long time. I cannot believe that the little one is 4 weeks old today. I really am not smart enough to describe how incredibly awesome it has been to have her here with us. She is infallible in every way. If she is screaming at the top of her lungs or laying peacefully in her little box (that’s what we call her moses’ basket) she is great. So far things have been going pretty well. She has been eating and sleeping pretty regularly as can be expected with a newborn. SC is an amazing mother and I love to watch her being a mom.

So far things have been fairly normal, I guess, I have never done this before so I am not sure if they are not going the way they are suppose to. At her last check up she weighed 8lbs 11oz so she already made up her birth weight and is growing daily. She is in the 90 percentile of her height and 50 percentile of her weight so a lot of her clothes do not fit her well. She is quite tall. Yesterday it appears she had a little stomach ache as she was fussy by her standards for most of the day. Late in the day, she cleared things up and hopefully that will take care of things. The sounds she make are entertaining and love to listen to her. I also enjoy her hanging out in the bed with us, not to be confused for sleeping in the bed. Sometimes she is lonely and all it takes is some time on the couch or on the bed with you to knock her out. I am going to try and post more often, just been a little busy with her and all. I have some good friends that are expecting, and I cannot wait for them to get there bundles of joy. If it is anything like I am experiencing it will be such a wonderful time.

What I Know Now

The books on my nightstand have been replaced by a fresh supply of diapers, wipes and desitin cream. My dreams are interrupted by the worries of a mother who wants to make sure her child is still breathing at night. My daily thoughts are now consumed with making sure that Emily Grace has everything she needs. And I am now a pro at doing things with one hand - even being right handed, I successfully ate a salad for lunch today with only the use of my left hand.

I can do so many things that I couldn't do two weeks ago - I can bathe a baby, I can feed a baby and change a diaper while half asleep. I can whisper lullabies while softly praying that she goes back to sleep. Two weeks ago I would have thought it was so boring to watch a baby sleep - but now I can even do that and pass endless hours that way finding fascination in every breath she takes.

I know so much more than I knew two weeks ago - I know that when my baby sneezes it is not a cold, it is just a sneeze. I know the difference between a hungry cry, a gas cry and a lonely cry. I know that if you don't get the new diaper on quick enough you'll get a wet surprise. I know how important sleep is, but I also know that I am capable of functioning on a lot less than 8 hours.

Yes, I know so much more than I knew two weeks ago...I know of the heroism of all mothers of the world. I know that nothing compares to a mother's love for her child. Watching Dan, I understand the special love that a father has for his daughter. And I now know how much my parents love me. Not that I ever really doubted their love for me, but it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I could truly comprehend how deeply parents love their children.

Yes, it is amazing how much can change overnight and how much more I know about myself and my ability to love than I did two weeks ago. And I am excited about how much more I will know in another two weeks.

All Worth It

I just woke up from a nap...I have never been a good napper - on occasion, yes, but never one to want to nap every day. My husband, on the other hand, is a great napper. I truly believe that he thinks weekends were made for naps. Don't get me wrong, we do a lot on the weekend - take the dogs to the flea market, take them swimming, clean house - It's no wonder he needs a nap after all that activity. But while he naps, I usually surf the internet, organize or just sit and watch TV.

This has all changed. I am a mega-napper now. My co-workers would argue that point since they see me emailing them at various times throughout the day just to make sure that I don't let things fall through the cracks! But, truly, I nap now. In fact, one might say that I no longer "go to bed" at night - I just take a series of 2 and 3 hour naps all evening in between feeding Emily.

During these nap times in the evening from 10:00 pm - 8:00 am, I wake up repeatedly thinking that I have forgotten to put her in her bassinet and I search frantically for her in bed. She is always in her bassinet and I should just learn to look there first! I have heard that I am not the only one who has this feeling. I also wake up thinking that I have just finished feeding her only to realize that I haven't even started yet.

We are a week and a half in and I am not really sure where to begin. Emily is a great sleeper - for two and three hour shifts - perhaps I should say she is also a good "napper." So far she has cried for two reasons: Being naked and being hungry. Dan says that he is going to try to keep her crying every time her clothes come off until she is 25. We'll see how that works out for him. In the evenings, our routine goes something like this:
9:30 eat
10:00 - new diaper
10:00-12:30 - sleep
12:30 - eat (this is usually a long eating period for some reason)
1:15 - new diaper
1:15-1:30 - rocked back to sleep
1:30-4:00 - sleep
4:00 - eat while we listen to daddy snore
4:30 - new diaper
4:30 - 7:30 - sleep
7:30/8:00 - eat

It's not a bad schedule. The first few nights, Dan was getting up with each feeding because it was difficult for me to sit up and get her out of the bassinet. But now that I am moving around a lot better, Dan is sleeping through the feedings better.

So what have I learned in the past week and a half:
1) Always have the new diaper ready before you take the old diaper off - this will prevent having to clean the receiving blanket or the furniture from the unexpected pee or poop.

2) The nipple soreness from breast feeding does eventually get better...

3) Do not weigh yourself the day you get home from the hospital. You will only be disappointed

4) Think very carefully before you come downstairs for the day and make sure you have everything you need for the day so that you don't have to make multiple trips up and down stairs

5) Always have a back up outfit for the day - there will be spit up

6) Along those same lines, don't burp without a burp cloth...it will end badly

7) No matter what, visitors always want to wake up the baby...Why is this? Do they not understand how precious that time is while she is sleeping?

8) I thought I had strange dreams during the pregnancy...now the dreams are borderline insane...perhaps this is part sleep deprivation.

All joking aside, this is awesome. I know that there will be good times with the bad, but this whole experience has been worth it. From all the worry and fretting during the pregnancy to holding her in the wee hours of the morning, waiting for her to shut her eyes again and go to sleep - and then lowering her slowly into the bassinet praying that her eyes don't open again, less we have to start the whole process over again. It is all worth it.