Pregnancy: What Not to Say and other thoughts

Organizing .... That's the name of the game. So since, November 7th, when we found out that this child is expected to be a girl (although sometimes the docs get it wrong, too...), we have organized a few cupboards, the pantry, our closet, and selected other projects throughout the house. Truthfully, I am confident that a lot more would be organized by now if the bonus room were done, but many things are having to wait on that project.

So, now I am working on a magazine project. I get Real Simple - which if you don't know of it, it is a fabulous magazine. I save the magazines because they have great ideas, simple solutions and wonderful recipes. After cleaning out the office the other day, I realized that I had an inordinate number of magazines that had piled up. My solution? Go through each magazine, pull out the good ideas, organize them and rid myself of the bulky magazines that are taking up room that Amabo will need when she arrives.

I came across the November 2007 issue of Real Simple and in it it had a list of things you should never say to people. Things like: "You look tired" Ask instead if everything is alright? One entire section of the article was dedicated to Pregnancy. Some samplings from the magazine:
Don't say: "Are you pregnant?"
Instead say: "Hello" or "Great to see you" or "You look great." Anything besides "Are you pregnant or "What's the due date?" will do.

Don't say: "Do you plan on breast-feeding?"
Instead say: Nothing.


I found this very funny. Clearly there are not many people in the world that have read this "etiquette" about pregnancy and the dos and don'ts. Recently, a co-worker hosted a Silpada Designs party (jewelry). The party was set up during work hours in one of the conference rooms. I walked over on my lunch hour to be supportive, wearing a large coat with scarf, and the Silpada representative (who I do NOT know) greeted me by saying, "Ooh...what do you have in there?" Then she proceeded to pat my stomach.

I did not buy anything.

I told Dan last night that I think that only recently pregnant people know the appropriate things to say to currently pregnant people. Last night at the North Carolina Master Chorale's Joy of the Season concert, a friend (who had a baby about 10 months ago) came up to me, gave me a big hug and said, "You look so wonderful!" What a nice thing to say to the pregnant lady that was feeling larger and more bloated than normal after a big and unexpected dinner at a fine steakhouse in Raleigh. I thanked her for that.

This whole process has been a great lesson in psychology...the psychology of other people and the psychology of myself.

Other new things: Dan is starting to talk to the baby. I guess he feels like he has to have his mouth right next to my stomach for her to hear him. This has been an interesting new development. He is also becoming increasingly more protective. Dan's new thing when we are in the car together is to ask if I am wearing my seatbelt properly. Poor poor Amabo. I fear you may not be able to leave the house until you are 21. And god help any boys that may be in the picture! Don't worry, Amabo, I will fight for you when I can!

This is a worry, though. Having a girl first. Perhaps we should have started with a boy. Too late now, and not like we have control over it anyway. But is having a girl first really a good thing? It is a good thing for Amabo, because my parents already have a grandson...so this means she is likely to get equal attention to the other grandchild. But is it good for us? Let me explain: It is likely that we will be more protective naturally of a girl. Not because we think females are the weaker sex - trust me, our marraige is an indication of our thoughts on that stereotype, but because Dan and I were both young once and we know what its like. Additionally, we are more likely to be more protective of a first child...right? So, my worry is that we will be doubly protective of Amabo which may not necessarily be a good thing. I am not sure that any of this paragraph actually made any sense..but I am leaving it in here anyway.

On to other things that I worry about: Nathan may eat my baby. Nathan is my 3 year old nephew who currently yields all of the attention of my parents. Pop pop (My dad) is wrapped around Nathan's pinky and every conversation with my mother is like watching an hour long program called "The funny things that Nathan did today." Now, if I know my dad at all, and if his relationship to me is any indication, Amabo will be a well-loved little girl. And I think my mother has already bought little girl clothing patterns to make for her. So, Nathan, sorry kid, but you are going to share the limelight whether you like it or not. One thing going for Amabo: Nathan's aunt and uncle on the other side of his family recently had a daughter and he did not eat Addison over the Thanksgiving holiday. She also lives 150 miles or more away. We only live 10 miles away....

In all seriousness, though, I do worry about many other things that actually matter. These things don't usually make the blog, because I haven't figured out how to make them funny yet. A friend recently asked if I worried about the labor part. I can't say that I really think about it that much, honestly. Women have been giving birth for generations and my mentality: if they can do it, I can do it ... and perhaps I can even do it better (for those of you that really know me, you know why that mentality of mine is true!). Anyway, what I worry more about is how am I going to intsill important and meaningful values into Amabo that will guide her life and her decisions for years to come? Is there a book on that? I joke that I worry about when I will know if my child can eat real food (or at least the goop in the baby food jars). But that isn't really my concern. My concern truly is how am I going to teach her how to make responsible decisions. So as a guide, I think back to my own child-hood. I cannot say that all of my decisions have been the best decisions, but I have been pretty responsible and definitely learned from any poor decisions that I made. How did my parents teach me this? I have no idea! I definitely got in trouble as a kid ... mostly for talking back (go figure, I got in trouble for voicing my opinion!). But how did that teach me how to be a good person? So, although I joke an awful lot about how funny this whole pregnany thing is, this is the way that I keep my sanity because if I couldn't find the humor in the day to day, I would lose my mind worrying about the next 18+ years ahead of me.