Totally Relaxed?

I enjoyed Dan's post ... His version of "The Rest of the Story." It is pretty accurate. All except the part about how as soon as I received the epidural I was "totally relaxed." I think that this is a bit of an over statement. The epidural is a lot of things ... I may even equate it to a miracle drug. But totally relaxed is not how I would explain my state at 5:00 am on Monday morning. Although the extreme pain of a single contraction is not felt as it would normally, you still have contractions that exude enormous amounts of pressure on your body every minute or so. And when the doctors tell you you can't push yet, this is probably more painful than a contraction.

Now, although I was not totally relaxed, I was immediately funny - at least I thought so. And I think the nurses thought so, too, although maybe they were just more amused by the whole package and not so much at my attempt at stand-up.

So, Dan and I are officially parents. On Monday, I was a complete zombie...On Tuesday, I looked at our daughter and was overcome with emotion. Was it possible that I loved this baby this much?? The answer is yes ... and I know that I will only love her more each day - even when she is 13 years old and we can't seem to agree on anything. This love is an awesome feeling. It brought me to tears as I sat in the hospital bed watching her sleep.

On Wednesday I was brought to tears for another reason...OH MY GOD! They are letting us go home with Emily and we didn't even pass a test. Apparently, you only have to pass three tests to take home a baby: 1) Have working reproductive organs, 2) Successfully deliver a baby and 3) Have a car seat securely installed in the back seat of your going-home-from-the-hospital vehicle. Dan and I passed each of those tests which means we are the proud new owners of a brand new baby girl. I know that I should have said "parents" not "owners" but that was a little how I felt on Wednesday morning - We now "own" this child. It is our job to make sure that we take care of her, feed her, change her, take her in when it is time for maintenance check-ups and regular oil changes.

Yes, you have read the metaphor right - I am comparing this to owning a car - but it is so much more than that. But it is almost more difficult to get a car these days - First off, you test drive cars...as many as you want to make sure you get the one that suits you best. Then you have to negotiate with the salesman an appropriate price for your new vehicle, then you have to qualify for a loan and if you qualify for the loan then you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, prove you have automotive insurance, send paperwork to the DMV and finally, if your car is ready, you can take it home ... And your new car comes with an owner's manual!!

Last I checked, we did not get to test drive any babies to make sure that Emily was the right fit for us. We just ended up with her and the doctors assume that all is going to work out. Secondly, when we arrived to the hospital, I didn't have to prove anything to anyone - All I said was I am having a baby. I signed a form that I did't even have to read and then a couple of days later I signed another form that said I was being discharged ... with a kid. Nobody asked if I had all the proper things in place at home first, nobody asked if I had a way to make sure she received appropriate medical care after the hospital and nobody made sure that I qualified financially to take care of this human being. All everyone kept saying was "congratulations."

Truly, I get the absurdity of my metaphor, but when taken in this form, doesn't the whole thing seem a bit ridiculous? Look at all the people that go home with children every day that don't have the means to take care of their children, they don't have medical insurance and much much more. Would these same people qualify to purchase a new car? Maybe ... or maybe not. This post reminds me a lot of the post that Dan first wrote (or one of the first). We went to the doctors, they did an ultrasound, said "yep, you're pregnant..congrats," then they slapped us on the ass and sent us out the door - with no information, no new parent-to-be packet, etc...Perhaps this says something about "the system." Anyway, just a thought.

Okay - so on to more important things. Yes, I am tired...yes, I am sore...and yes, it is true that I did not enjoy the entirety of my pregnancy. But I would not change a thing. And yes, I could do this again (but not soon...) - she was worth every ache, pain and worry. For nine months, I worried about her. When I took my first (of many) preganancy tests in late July, I worried that I would lose her. At each doctors appt, I worried that they would tell me something was wrong. I worried because I loved her then...but I love her so much more now. My love for her is overwhelming. And moreover it feels like she has been here all along. She just fits ... So even if the doctors did let me go to the nursery to test drive babies, I definitely would have still picked her.

Now, I know that there will be ups and downs and I am still a lot nervous about when Dan goes to work ... what am I going to do without him here? He has been amazing. He was amazing at the hospital - I could not have done it without him by my side. He has been amazing at home and he is amazing with Emily.

When Dan started this blog, he titled it "The Journey Begins." This was an appropriate title because our journey was beginning ... but now we have closed that chapter and started a new adventure. One that wil be challenging, difficult and likely there will be tears and heartache and more worry on the way. But this adventure will always end the same - with our Emily Grace and that is our reward.

Introducing Emily Grace Crawford

My how time flies and lives change forever! SC and I just shared a laugh realizing that I blogged at 6:54 on Sunday night. Well here is the rest of the story. The contractions began to increase in frequency so much so, that we called the doctor and she said to come on in, something was happening. We arrived at the hospital around 9ish and got checked in, SC was still only dilated 3cm, the same amount from the doctors visit on Friday. The nurse said she could tell clearly something was happening but we need to be a little further along to know that labor was occurring…

They wanted us to walk around to see what would happen. And by walk around, take laps around hospital. I felt like I was in a bad Nascar race, we did about 80 laps around Labor and Delivery wing at Rex, I know what nurses have birthdays in March, some new leadership programs that you can ask Eillene about, and some dinner on pre mature births that costs $5 for members and $10 for nonmembers. After two hours and 80 laps things were still where they were when we arrived, 3cms, the good news was that the baby was doing great. Something was happening but we could wait for it to happen at home, so they kicked us out.

As any of you can imagine, a certain someone was not pleased with this, and at this point contractions were starting to increase in pain. Back at home, they were kind enough to giver her an Ambien to help her rest so she was sleeping between contractions, I was not. Around 3 she woke up and thought that getting into the shower may help comfort her a little. Not more than 3 minutes into the warm soothing shower, the bag of waters broke, hot damn, this is happening. A quick call to the doctor told us what we had been waiting to hear, the process was beginning and get back to the hospital.

The contractions were intensifying in pain while the time between was diminishing. The short walk from the car to the entrance doors allowed 4 contractions to occur and SC was in a lot of discomfort. At about 4:00am we checked back into the same room as before and had the same nurse, Ashley was incredible, I am not sure who enjoyed who the most us or her. You may recall that SC was going to try and do this au natural without the aid of epidural. As Ashley confirmed this was still our decision SC said she wanted the juice. I simply asked her if she wanted to get through a few more contractions before she decided, with the same conviction of Linda Blairs head spinning around and green vomit projecting out her mouth, she assured me that it was time for the juice.

Around 5ish, and please note that all times are estimates and may not be to scale since there was a lot of stuff happening, the epi was in and SC was happy. At our first visit to the hospital, we were like Abbott and Costello, SC was the straight guy and I was the funny one. After the epi, our roles seemed to shift, SC became the funny man, and I was the straight guy. The epi clearly achieved its goal of totally relaxing her. Around 6, we finally got the word that the pushing could commence and so it was. Ashley asked if I wanted to see the baby. I was positioned on SC’s left side at her waist with her legs in the proverbial stir-ups, I thought I was more than close enough to the action and politely declined a front row seat to the origins of the world. Ashley, said that she had a head full of hair and that was all I needed to hear, I quickly assumed my front row seat and could see the babies head, had a good ways to come yet, but I could clearly see that she had a lot of hair. I manned the left leg during the pushing process and helped Ashley with encouragement of the pushing.

The doctor came in around 7:15 we were getting closer. If you recall, at the OB/GYN they make you see all the doctors because your regular doctor is never on call when you deliver… Our doctor was on call. Dr. Fisher was amazing, I had gotten to know her throughout the process, but in the Birthing Room, she was no nonsense and I think SC was glad it was her. SC inquired as to when the vacuum would come out, after all she had been pushing for over an hour. Doc said that first timers get to push for 2 hours before other measures were employed so keep doing what you are doing. Watching the baby girl proceed down and out was an incredible experience one that I will never forget.

At 7:40a.m. March 23, 2009 Emily Grace Crawford entered the world at 8lbs 1oz 21 ½ inches long and a head full of black hair. She came into the world with her eyes wide open. I thought she would be smaller and more blue. Her first APGAR score was a 7, 5 is normal; her next one was a 9, she still had some blueness in her hands and feet. I had seen a miracle. Mom and baby did great.

The first night in the hospital was unique and offered up its on set of challenges and opportunities. Our baby girl got her lungs around 2:30am I would guess. Before that her lungs still had plenty of amniotic fluid in them so her cries were short and sweet. That was no longer the case. Folks had said that we should not let her spend the night in the nursery while at the hospital because it would give us an opportunity to learn her habits early. The nurse quickly relinquished us of that absurd idea. She said that the kids first 36 hours or so are the most challenging because of the many changes the baby is going through, allowing her to go to nursery would allow us to catch our breath and get a little rest. Needless to say we did not get much sleep that night, combined with the no sleep the night before, I was pooped. The second night was somewhat better, we kept her in the room and she did a lot better than the previous night. SC was and is doing an amazing job, I love to watch her and the baby.

My first dirty diaper was an experience that Emily would probably like to forget. It was about 20 minutes that seemed like a lifetime. She had a massive bowel movement, there was the poop everywhere, even in places it did not belong. On top of that, my first time out of the gate, I was offered a massive spit-up at the same time, I pleaded with her that she should wait a little while before having the both end blues and this is not a nice way to thank me for the next 18 years that I am legally bound for her care.

I don’t think we both can say enough about the nurses and other staff at the hospital. They were great, very knowledgeable and ready to answer any questions. I am sure SC will have some more to add about the process and all. We are now at home and trying to rest comfortably. At about 11pm last night I hit the proverbial wall and had to crash. The new one did awesome last night, she ate at 12:30am, 3:30am, and 6:30am and that was it, not a peep otherwise. SC took care of the feedings obviously since I got nothing to offer there at this juncture. I assume that at some point we will pump some milk once we get a little more experience then I will be able to help out.

I cant tell you how grateful we are to all our friends and family. My mom has offered to stay for a week or so to help SC out around the house so she is not alone at first, and then I think SC’s mom will do the same. Emily is plain awesome, we laid in the bed this morning and just hung out. There is no doubt this will be one of the hardest things we ever do in our lives, but the reward will be unmatched. I assume that one day I will stop having the desire to just hold her and look at her and give her little kisses, though who knows, I may not.

Is this it or what?

What in the hell is going on? Is this Pre-Labor or Fake Labor or whatever the hell you want to call it. Something is going on because every 7 minutes or so, SC winces in pain for about a minute. But checking resources provided to us by so called professionals, this is normal. We should not do anything till the frequency is 5 minutes apart. Is everyone the same for this stuff? What happens if we are different? I am not trying to have a baby on Capital Boulevard or the Beltline.

Sarah is a trooper she has been amazing through out this process. Yeah I may make jokes, but she is as tough as they come, and there is a reason us men are not chosen to bear the responsibility of keeping the species alive.

I know one thing for certain, we are both getting super excited, between contractions we have been making silly jokes and overall acting silly. I can only describe it as excitement as we know the process is taking its course and will not be as long as it has been. Some say this could go on for hours or days. I am hoping for former not the latter. But who knows. It all started yesterday morning but stopped when SC officially did some nesting. I think I was made of fun last time I accused her of nesting early on in the process.

Well, this is about all I can write in 7 minutes, I am getting ready for another contraction and some work on the pregnancy ball, which is also serves as an exercise ball. Pray for us, but hopefully things are progressing normally.

Carpool Baby Shower

You read the title right....a Carpool Baby Shower. Since July, I have been part of the Triangle Town Carpool group. This has been the best carpool group ever. We started out as any new group of people starts out ... Chit chat about our jobs, our lives, the weather. But what started as a group of strangers quickly became a group of friends. We have been there for each other through relationships with spouses, boyfriends (or fiances), children and much much more and now pregnancy.

So today, the carpool came to pick me up at my office (my chariot home) and there were signs pasted on the windows that read "Carpool Baby Shower! It's a Girl!" It was my first shower ever in a car and it was so much fun. The car was decked out with signs, streamers and presents. We even had cookies and sparkling cider!

My first present from the carpoolers was a crib sheet ... thanks, friends! They heard the story about how the grandmother-to-be made sure we had plenty of crib sheets (we ended up with 15 after the shower in Asheville!). I also got diapers, stuff for breast feeding (which I was sure NOBODY would buy off of my registry) and a bottle holder for the dishwasher. Everything was perfect. Thank you to Portia, Terry and Tavey and their creative idea of a Carpool Baby Shower.

My Best Friend

For the past several weeks, I have been working on a blog post about all the things I have learned during pregnancy. This is turning into quite a novel seeing as how I have learned a lot. I also don't feel qualified to "finish" it until this whole pregnancy thing is over ... and then I am sure I will start a new post entitled "all the things I have learned during motherhood."

So, that said, I felt compelled to post an Ode to My Husband. During this entire process, I have told some quite humorous stories about all the things that my husband has said wrong, done wrong or simply the things that he has "thought" wrong. To be honest, although there are many times that I nit-pick at all the small things, most of these stories are truly just that ... stories. Stories that are engaging and humorous at, unfortunately, his expense. My husband is a good sport though - he has been known to embellish certain stories for comedic value so he understands this.

But, I owe him a lot and I know that I don't tell him enough. The truth, friends, is that I couldn't have done this without him. He has been amazing. He has done almost everything I have asked of him without complaint (and I say almost, because he has complained a couple of times, but it was warranted because I do ask for a lot!). He has rubbed my aching calves to prevent nighttime cramps; he encourages me to take naps and relax; he cleaned the house on Saturday while I did just that - and although some things may not have been to my specifications (hard to imagine!) the house was clean. He cooks dinner, he runs out to get me the random craving of fruit or chocolate milk, Wendy's chicken sandwich and whatever else I desire. He tells me how beautiful I am, even when I am crying that I have fat feet (swollen from pregnancy). Dan, not the handiest of men, may not be able to fix things around the house and he may end up breaking more stuff than he fixes, but he does so many more amazing things in spite of my having hormone driven outbursts that are often times unpleasant. I am pretty sure that he has read every book about pregnancy and raising a child, and those books that he hasn't read are either on their way to our house or on hold at the library. We watched the DVD "The Happiest Baby on the Block" last night and Dan took notes ... Rarely does a day go by when he doesn't take our beloved dogs, Keeper, Wrigley and Fly, to their favorite place on earth - the park. Even in the rain, snow and sleet - he knows how much it means to them and he does it regardless. He has sat with me through every ache and pain of pregnancy and even though he can't empathize, he has done his best to make me comfortable when possible.

I know that he is anxious about being a father ... excited and anxious. Dan's grandparent's raised him and although his grandfather played a large role in his life, Dan did not have the traditional "Dad" that I am so fortunate to have. So he wants to make sure he is the best Dad ever ... and you know what? He will be. He will be because he cares. He is a wonderful husband and will be a wonderful father very deserving of the title "Dad."

So, although he may not always put his dirty socks in the hamper and he is still learning how to clean "Sarah's way," I really have not a lot to complain about. In fact, I am very very lucky and I do not express this enough. The list in this "ode" is in no way complete - but I think it definitely lets you in a little on my world ... I have it pretty good. I am looking forward to starting the next leg of this journey into parenthood with my partner, my husband and my best friend.

Man oh Man

We had another doctor visit yesterday and things continue to progress. SC is at 2cm and 70% effaced. I hope I can post that, if not, all you quick readers and RSS folks will get some scoop. What does all this mean? Absolutely nothing. It means she could go into labor next week, or next month. Things are progressing normally. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and hope things continue to go well.

I think we are both ready for the baby that shall be named later, Amabo as you know her, to hurry and get here. I feel badly for SC because she is having much difficulty sleeping at night due to uncomfortableness caused by the process. I know we need the practice of not sleeping at night i wish we could get that without her being in so much pain.

I think SC looks absolutly gorgeous, I cant wait for our little baby to get here. We continue to prep for her in every way imaginable. If anyone else has a book recommendation please let us know so we can buy it, start to read it, and forget about it. The latest book/dvd is "the happiest baby on the block" the least we can do is make our selves sit through the 45 minute dvd.

Well I just wanted to post a quick update after the doc visit yesterday. I am not sure if i have mentioned this previously, but it is my intent to keep this blog up and running once Amabo gets here. It will be a good way for updates to be sent for people that care and a place to post pictures and such. Peace.

Birth Certified

Well, Dan and I finished up our birthing class last night - five weeks for two hours a week so that we could learn how to give birth. I asked the instructor at the end of class last night if we would be getting a certificate. After all, I did receive a little card after my Red Cross CPR class. But alas, we did not get anything to hang on the wall. Perhaps that happens once the baby is actually delivered - a little diploma or something?

I was recently joking with a friend about this and she remarked, "Yes, you get that in the hospital, and if you do it without the drugs then you get a gold sticker on it." Well, this just seals the deal for me. I want that gold sticker, darn it!

Our class was good - we had an interesting child birth educator who told us all about the risk factors of the epidural and how bad it was and then said, "I am not saying this because I am against epidurals, I am telling you because you have a right to know." Hm?? Sounds fishy to me. I think that Dan mentioned this in an earlier blog, but she is also all about some chinese herb to get the baby to flip in the correct head down position. As you know from my last post, you know that we did not have to resort to those methods, Amabo followed the script (for a change!).

What else is new? We are now seeing the doctor once a week until D-day. At the last appointment the doctor said that she felt a little hole ... so I guess that means I am dilated slightly. Don't get excited - I could stay this way for many more weeks, even well past my due date. My biggest fear now is that I will go to the doctor this Friday and they will say that I am not dilated at all -- is it possible to go backwards in this process?

Right now, what I am working on most is getting work wrapped up, which has been difficult because every time I turn around I have some new project.

That's about it for now. Stay tuned for more updates!

Bring It On

Where to begin...well, the kidney pain came back last week. If you have been following the blog, you will recall that the week of New Years I was inflicted with severe pain in my right side due to pressure being put on the ureter preventing my kidney from draining properly - the same effect of a kidney stone. Well, the pain returned, this time on my left side. From Wednesday through Saturday I was in and out of pain - most times with pain at a constant low level and then peaking for a period of one to two hours to a 9 or 10 on the 1-10 pain scale. I am going to go as far as to say that this time it was worse than before because when the pain wasn't in full swing, I was still pretty uncomfortable, with pain at a constant level 2. I have been without pain since about 11:00 pm last night, minus a brief 20 minutes of pain at a level 3 around lunchtime today. So, hopefully it is gone. I feel the best I have felt in more than 5 days.

One of the good things to come out of this whole ordeal is that we got to go back to Duke Raleigh Hospital on Friday afternoon for a second renal ultrasound to make sure what was I experiencing was all just pregnancy related. During the ultrasound, I told the sonographer that she was welcome to take a peak at the baby while she was ultrasounding my bladder and kidneys. She at first said that she couldn't because the order only indicated for her to do a renal ultrasound, but then she rethought it and said we'll at least take a look at the head since it is right here ... And where was it? That's right, friends, it was down! So this confirms it. Yes, I know that the doctor said on Wednesday that she felt head down, but I like to have the proof in pictures!

So Amabo has retired into the birthing position which is good news and means that she is making herself ready. And at this point, with the pressure in my ribs, which was explained to me as expanding cartilege by the doctor, and the possibility of kidney pain coming back, Miss Amabo is welcome to make her entrance into this world at anytime. Seriously. We have the carseat, the crib, and clothes to put her in. Bring it on.