Germs

After an event at work yesterday evening, a coworker remarked to me, "You're going to let your child eat of the floor, aren't you?" 5 second rule! You may wonder what sparked this comment - It isn't really relevant to the story. Here is my take on germs - exposure to germs builds immunity! And as my assistant pointed out, she was born in a third world country and lived there for several years before moving to the United States - and she never gets sick. So there you have it.

We went to the doctor today - we are now on the every two weeks schedule. It will be like this until week 36, when I will go in once a week until the baby is born. Today we had another ultrasound - this was a follow-up to the 3D ultrasound we had done about two weeks ago. During that ultrasound, the sonographer noticed that one of the lateral ventricles in the brain was measuring at the high end of normal. So what does this mean? It means nothing, thankfully! I will get to what it could have meant in a minute after I tell you the information we got today. The sonographer measured again and while the lateral ventricle is still measuring large, it hasn't gotten any larger, which is great news. It means that fluid is not building up in her little brain. Both the sonographer and the doctor were very pleased and ordered no future ultrasounds and declared the issue "resolved."

What could it have meant? Well, a number of things. If the ventricle continued to get larger it would mean that fluid was not draining from the brain properly. In many cases this condition is mild and usually resolves itself after birth. In other cases, it means more - the child might have to have brain fluid drained upon birth, might have to have surgeries to deal with this and it could also mean more serious problems like brain tissue damage, which as we know could mean a whole host and range of other issues.

So when I got the call two weeks ago after the 3D ultrasound from my doctor to say that the ventricle was measuring at the high end of normal and they wanted me to do another ultrasound in two weeks to monitor the situation, my mind started racing. The doctor didn't seem concerned on the phone, but this news had Dan and I very anxious. I spent the next 48 hours surfing the internet looking for information, finally finding some sites that had stories from the very good to the very very bad. The upsetting thing about it was that I had no control - there was absolutely nothing that I could do to fix it for Amabo. Nothing. Even if the ultrasound today would have revealed that the ventricle was larger, there is still nothing that can be done until the baby is born - other than worry. I felt completely helpless and completely alone. For the first time since this journey began, I prayed for Amabo by her real name (even though God knows who she is regardless). I have spent the past two weeks in nothing but prayer, praying for peace.

Looking back over the last 14 days, it would be easy to say that all of this worry was for naught. But, that is not the conclusion that I came to today. I learned a lot in the last two weeks, about myself, about my ability to love and most of all about my faith. I know that not all of our readers are of the spiritual variety - so I won't blame you if you quit reading here. But, I want to say that this is the second time in my entire life that I have handed my worries completely over to God and he took care of me - immediately. I didn't pray for the outcome that I wanted, I just handed my worries to God and prayed for comfort and strength.

So, now you know the rest of the story behind my previous blog. I apologize to family and friends for not sharing all of this sooner, but I went through several stages of emotion before I could really talk about all of my fears and worries for Amabo - I first had to process what the doctor had told me two weeks ago, then I had to fact find all the information available about the possible condition, and then I had to let it go. And in the process of letting go, I had to get to today. And if the outcome had been differently today, I would have shared at that point because I would have known much more. But for the past two weeks all we could do was wait and I knew that in the emotional state I was in, I would not be able to handle all the inquiries. So, I just asked for your prayers. So, thank you, for helping me through your prayers.