Growing Up

I am really not trying to "one-up" Dan by blogging tonight. I was planning on blogging today anyway, but was a little busy earlier today with an unexpected relative in town. You see, I have this wonderful aunt that lives in Georgia who came to town for a few days last night. The problem? Well, she forgot to tell anyone that she was coming! Oh well. Emily and I have a routine that we usually stick to, but we interrupted it today to hang out with Aunt Kathy.

I am not entirely certain what I am going to do when Emily has her first skinned knee. You see, last week, all week long I needed to cut her finger nails. I had done it the week before, but newborns fingernails grow really quickly and they needed another trim. I had been putting it off for several days, not because I didn't want to do it, but because it was always inconvenient...I thought of it at an inconvenient time, the nail clippers were out of reach...etc...On Friday, Emily and I were hanging out in the new man room (which isn't really a man room at all -- Let's be honest, it's Emily's play room). Emily started to get a little fussy and she was moving her arms all about and she swiped her hand across her face and scratched herself. This was no small scratch. Her nails were like little knives and she really gave herself a good scratch. At first, I thought maybe she didn't notice what she had done, but it only took a brief second before she let out a wail of pain. I felt so bad and my tears started to flow. I thought, "this is it...I have to cut her nails right now because I am the reason that she has this terrible scratch on her face." So I calmed her down and she was resting peacefully and I got the nail clippers and I started to cut. Her middle finger on her left hand was particularly long so I was trying to get the edges trimmed nice and neat ... and ... I clipped her finger...It didn't bleed a lot, but it did bleed and she did cry and then I cried - somewhat uncontrollably. I felt so bad!! I had hurt my daughter, albeit unintentionally, but I had hurt her!!

I came down stairs with my tear stained face (By this point, Emily was already back to sleep and had forgotten about the entire ordeal!) and Dan asked me what was wrong. I relayed "the incident" and he assured me that this would not be the last time I hurt her..." GREAT! I have more of this to look forward to? So what am I going to do the first time she skins her knee on the pavement while playing? Am I going to sob while I put some neosporin and a bandaid on it? Probably! Or maybe I will have learned by that point that accidents happen and as much as I want to protect her from every affliction in the world, this is part of growing up...growing up for me as much as it is for her.

Speaking of growing up...four weeks into it I am finally starting to feel like I am NOT a teen-mom. All during the pregnancy I kept thinking, "I am not old enough to be having a baby...this is like a teen pregnancy." Of course, I am more than old enough to have a child, old enough in fact to have several children. But I didn't feel like it. Why? I have no idea. I own a house, two cars, am married, care for three dogs, have a full time job with benefits and even have a life insurance policy that I pay for. Of course I am old enough but for some reason I couldn't wrap my head around being a "mom" during the pregnancy. Well, motherhood has been embraced fully. True, the first week I felt a little like I was playing house, but now it feels like what I have always done.

Sure, there are a lot of things that I miss about being a kid - seemingly endless summers, playing outside, cartoons, eating macaroni and cheese every day for lunch and not gaining an ounce! But now, I just get to live that through Emily from a different perspective. And that's kindda fun.

The baby girl

Folks, wow it has been a long time. I cannot believe that the little one is 4 weeks old today. I really am not smart enough to describe how incredibly awesome it has been to have her here with us. She is infallible in every way. If she is screaming at the top of her lungs or laying peacefully in her little box (that’s what we call her moses’ basket) she is great. So far things have been going pretty well. She has been eating and sleeping pretty regularly as can be expected with a newborn. SC is an amazing mother and I love to watch her being a mom.

So far things have been fairly normal, I guess, I have never done this before so I am not sure if they are not going the way they are suppose to. At her last check up she weighed 8lbs 11oz so she already made up her birth weight and is growing daily. She is in the 90 percentile of her height and 50 percentile of her weight so a lot of her clothes do not fit her well. She is quite tall. Yesterday it appears she had a little stomach ache as she was fussy by her standards for most of the day. Late in the day, she cleared things up and hopefully that will take care of things. The sounds she make are entertaining and love to listen to her. I also enjoy her hanging out in the bed with us, not to be confused for sleeping in the bed. Sometimes she is lonely and all it takes is some time on the couch or on the bed with you to knock her out. I am going to try and post more often, just been a little busy with her and all. I have some good friends that are expecting, and I cannot wait for them to get there bundles of joy. If it is anything like I am experiencing it will be such a wonderful time.

What I Know Now

The books on my nightstand have been replaced by a fresh supply of diapers, wipes and desitin cream. My dreams are interrupted by the worries of a mother who wants to make sure her child is still breathing at night. My daily thoughts are now consumed with making sure that Emily Grace has everything she needs. And I am now a pro at doing things with one hand - even being right handed, I successfully ate a salad for lunch today with only the use of my left hand.

I can do so many things that I couldn't do two weeks ago - I can bathe a baby, I can feed a baby and change a diaper while half asleep. I can whisper lullabies while softly praying that she goes back to sleep. Two weeks ago I would have thought it was so boring to watch a baby sleep - but now I can even do that and pass endless hours that way finding fascination in every breath she takes.

I know so much more than I knew two weeks ago - I know that when my baby sneezes it is not a cold, it is just a sneeze. I know the difference between a hungry cry, a gas cry and a lonely cry. I know that if you don't get the new diaper on quick enough you'll get a wet surprise. I know how important sleep is, but I also know that I am capable of functioning on a lot less than 8 hours.

Yes, I know so much more than I knew two weeks ago...I know of the heroism of all mothers of the world. I know that nothing compares to a mother's love for her child. Watching Dan, I understand the special love that a father has for his daughter. And I now know how much my parents love me. Not that I ever really doubted their love for me, but it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I could truly comprehend how deeply parents love their children.

Yes, it is amazing how much can change overnight and how much more I know about myself and my ability to love than I did two weeks ago. And I am excited about how much more I will know in another two weeks.

All Worth It

I just woke up from a nap...I have never been a good napper - on occasion, yes, but never one to want to nap every day. My husband, on the other hand, is a great napper. I truly believe that he thinks weekends were made for naps. Don't get me wrong, we do a lot on the weekend - take the dogs to the flea market, take them swimming, clean house - It's no wonder he needs a nap after all that activity. But while he naps, I usually surf the internet, organize or just sit and watch TV.

This has all changed. I am a mega-napper now. My co-workers would argue that point since they see me emailing them at various times throughout the day just to make sure that I don't let things fall through the cracks! But, truly, I nap now. In fact, one might say that I no longer "go to bed" at night - I just take a series of 2 and 3 hour naps all evening in between feeding Emily.

During these nap times in the evening from 10:00 pm - 8:00 am, I wake up repeatedly thinking that I have forgotten to put her in her bassinet and I search frantically for her in bed. She is always in her bassinet and I should just learn to look there first! I have heard that I am not the only one who has this feeling. I also wake up thinking that I have just finished feeding her only to realize that I haven't even started yet.

We are a week and a half in and I am not really sure where to begin. Emily is a great sleeper - for two and three hour shifts - perhaps I should say she is also a good "napper." So far she has cried for two reasons: Being naked and being hungry. Dan says that he is going to try to keep her crying every time her clothes come off until she is 25. We'll see how that works out for him. In the evenings, our routine goes something like this:
9:30 eat
10:00 - new diaper
10:00-12:30 - sleep
12:30 - eat (this is usually a long eating period for some reason)
1:15 - new diaper
1:15-1:30 - rocked back to sleep
1:30-4:00 - sleep
4:00 - eat while we listen to daddy snore
4:30 - new diaper
4:30 - 7:30 - sleep
7:30/8:00 - eat

It's not a bad schedule. The first few nights, Dan was getting up with each feeding because it was difficult for me to sit up and get her out of the bassinet. But now that I am moving around a lot better, Dan is sleeping through the feedings better.

So what have I learned in the past week and a half:
1) Always have the new diaper ready before you take the old diaper off - this will prevent having to clean the receiving blanket or the furniture from the unexpected pee or poop.

2) The nipple soreness from breast feeding does eventually get better...

3) Do not weigh yourself the day you get home from the hospital. You will only be disappointed

4) Think very carefully before you come downstairs for the day and make sure you have everything you need for the day so that you don't have to make multiple trips up and down stairs

5) Always have a back up outfit for the day - there will be spit up

6) Along those same lines, don't burp without a burp cloth...it will end badly

7) No matter what, visitors always want to wake up the baby...Why is this? Do they not understand how precious that time is while she is sleeping?

8) I thought I had strange dreams during the pregnancy...now the dreams are borderline insane...perhaps this is part sleep deprivation.

All joking aside, this is awesome. I know that there will be good times with the bad, but this whole experience has been worth it. From all the worry and fretting during the pregnancy to holding her in the wee hours of the morning, waiting for her to shut her eyes again and go to sleep - and then lowering her slowly into the bassinet praying that her eyes don't open again, less we have to start the whole process over again. It is all worth it.

Totally Relaxed?

I enjoyed Dan's post ... His version of "The Rest of the Story." It is pretty accurate. All except the part about how as soon as I received the epidural I was "totally relaxed." I think that this is a bit of an over statement. The epidural is a lot of things ... I may even equate it to a miracle drug. But totally relaxed is not how I would explain my state at 5:00 am on Monday morning. Although the extreme pain of a single contraction is not felt as it would normally, you still have contractions that exude enormous amounts of pressure on your body every minute or so. And when the doctors tell you you can't push yet, this is probably more painful than a contraction.

Now, although I was not totally relaxed, I was immediately funny - at least I thought so. And I think the nurses thought so, too, although maybe they were just more amused by the whole package and not so much at my attempt at stand-up.

So, Dan and I are officially parents. On Monday, I was a complete zombie...On Tuesday, I looked at our daughter and was overcome with emotion. Was it possible that I loved this baby this much?? The answer is yes ... and I know that I will only love her more each day - even when she is 13 years old and we can't seem to agree on anything. This love is an awesome feeling. It brought me to tears as I sat in the hospital bed watching her sleep.

On Wednesday I was brought to tears for another reason...OH MY GOD! They are letting us go home with Emily and we didn't even pass a test. Apparently, you only have to pass three tests to take home a baby: 1) Have working reproductive organs, 2) Successfully deliver a baby and 3) Have a car seat securely installed in the back seat of your going-home-from-the-hospital vehicle. Dan and I passed each of those tests which means we are the proud new owners of a brand new baby girl. I know that I should have said "parents" not "owners" but that was a little how I felt on Wednesday morning - We now "own" this child. It is our job to make sure that we take care of her, feed her, change her, take her in when it is time for maintenance check-ups and regular oil changes.

Yes, you have read the metaphor right - I am comparing this to owning a car - but it is so much more than that. But it is almost more difficult to get a car these days - First off, you test drive cars...as many as you want to make sure you get the one that suits you best. Then you have to negotiate with the salesman an appropriate price for your new vehicle, then you have to qualify for a loan and if you qualify for the loan then you have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, prove you have automotive insurance, send paperwork to the DMV and finally, if your car is ready, you can take it home ... And your new car comes with an owner's manual!!

Last I checked, we did not get to test drive any babies to make sure that Emily was the right fit for us. We just ended up with her and the doctors assume that all is going to work out. Secondly, when we arrived to the hospital, I didn't have to prove anything to anyone - All I said was I am having a baby. I signed a form that I did't even have to read and then a couple of days later I signed another form that said I was being discharged ... with a kid. Nobody asked if I had all the proper things in place at home first, nobody asked if I had a way to make sure she received appropriate medical care after the hospital and nobody made sure that I qualified financially to take care of this human being. All everyone kept saying was "congratulations."

Truly, I get the absurdity of my metaphor, but when taken in this form, doesn't the whole thing seem a bit ridiculous? Look at all the people that go home with children every day that don't have the means to take care of their children, they don't have medical insurance and much much more. Would these same people qualify to purchase a new car? Maybe ... or maybe not. This post reminds me a lot of the post that Dan first wrote (or one of the first). We went to the doctors, they did an ultrasound, said "yep, you're pregnant..congrats," then they slapped us on the ass and sent us out the door - with no information, no new parent-to-be packet, etc...Perhaps this says something about "the system." Anyway, just a thought.

Okay - so on to more important things. Yes, I am tired...yes, I am sore...and yes, it is true that I did not enjoy the entirety of my pregnancy. But I would not change a thing. And yes, I could do this again (but not soon...) - she was worth every ache, pain and worry. For nine months, I worried about her. When I took my first (of many) preganancy tests in late July, I worried that I would lose her. At each doctors appt, I worried that they would tell me something was wrong. I worried because I loved her then...but I love her so much more now. My love for her is overwhelming. And moreover it feels like she has been here all along. She just fits ... So even if the doctors did let me go to the nursery to test drive babies, I definitely would have still picked her.

Now, I know that there will be ups and downs and I am still a lot nervous about when Dan goes to work ... what am I going to do without him here? He has been amazing. He was amazing at the hospital - I could not have done it without him by my side. He has been amazing at home and he is amazing with Emily.

When Dan started this blog, he titled it "The Journey Begins." This was an appropriate title because our journey was beginning ... but now we have closed that chapter and started a new adventure. One that wil be challenging, difficult and likely there will be tears and heartache and more worry on the way. But this adventure will always end the same - with our Emily Grace and that is our reward.

Introducing Emily Grace Crawford

My how time flies and lives change forever! SC and I just shared a laugh realizing that I blogged at 6:54 on Sunday night. Well here is the rest of the story. The contractions began to increase in frequency so much so, that we called the doctor and she said to come on in, something was happening. We arrived at the hospital around 9ish and got checked in, SC was still only dilated 3cm, the same amount from the doctors visit on Friday. The nurse said she could tell clearly something was happening but we need to be a little further along to know that labor was occurring…

They wanted us to walk around to see what would happen. And by walk around, take laps around hospital. I felt like I was in a bad Nascar race, we did about 80 laps around Labor and Delivery wing at Rex, I know what nurses have birthdays in March, some new leadership programs that you can ask Eillene about, and some dinner on pre mature births that costs $5 for members and $10 for nonmembers. After two hours and 80 laps things were still where they were when we arrived, 3cms, the good news was that the baby was doing great. Something was happening but we could wait for it to happen at home, so they kicked us out.

As any of you can imagine, a certain someone was not pleased with this, and at this point contractions were starting to increase in pain. Back at home, they were kind enough to giver her an Ambien to help her rest so she was sleeping between contractions, I was not. Around 3 she woke up and thought that getting into the shower may help comfort her a little. Not more than 3 minutes into the warm soothing shower, the bag of waters broke, hot damn, this is happening. A quick call to the doctor told us what we had been waiting to hear, the process was beginning and get back to the hospital.

The contractions were intensifying in pain while the time between was diminishing. The short walk from the car to the entrance doors allowed 4 contractions to occur and SC was in a lot of discomfort. At about 4:00am we checked back into the same room as before and had the same nurse, Ashley was incredible, I am not sure who enjoyed who the most us or her. You may recall that SC was going to try and do this au natural without the aid of epidural. As Ashley confirmed this was still our decision SC said she wanted the juice. I simply asked her if she wanted to get through a few more contractions before she decided, with the same conviction of Linda Blairs head spinning around and green vomit projecting out her mouth, she assured me that it was time for the juice.

Around 5ish, and please note that all times are estimates and may not be to scale since there was a lot of stuff happening, the epi was in and SC was happy. At our first visit to the hospital, we were like Abbott and Costello, SC was the straight guy and I was the funny one. After the epi, our roles seemed to shift, SC became the funny man, and I was the straight guy. The epi clearly achieved its goal of totally relaxing her. Around 6, we finally got the word that the pushing could commence and so it was. Ashley asked if I wanted to see the baby. I was positioned on SC’s left side at her waist with her legs in the proverbial stir-ups, I thought I was more than close enough to the action and politely declined a front row seat to the origins of the world. Ashley, said that she had a head full of hair and that was all I needed to hear, I quickly assumed my front row seat and could see the babies head, had a good ways to come yet, but I could clearly see that she had a lot of hair. I manned the left leg during the pushing process and helped Ashley with encouragement of the pushing.

The doctor came in around 7:15 we were getting closer. If you recall, at the OB/GYN they make you see all the doctors because your regular doctor is never on call when you deliver… Our doctor was on call. Dr. Fisher was amazing, I had gotten to know her throughout the process, but in the Birthing Room, she was no nonsense and I think SC was glad it was her. SC inquired as to when the vacuum would come out, after all she had been pushing for over an hour. Doc said that first timers get to push for 2 hours before other measures were employed so keep doing what you are doing. Watching the baby girl proceed down and out was an incredible experience one that I will never forget.

At 7:40a.m. March 23, 2009 Emily Grace Crawford entered the world at 8lbs 1oz 21 ½ inches long and a head full of black hair. She came into the world with her eyes wide open. I thought she would be smaller and more blue. Her first APGAR score was a 7, 5 is normal; her next one was a 9, she still had some blueness in her hands and feet. I had seen a miracle. Mom and baby did great.

The first night in the hospital was unique and offered up its on set of challenges and opportunities. Our baby girl got her lungs around 2:30am I would guess. Before that her lungs still had plenty of amniotic fluid in them so her cries were short and sweet. That was no longer the case. Folks had said that we should not let her spend the night in the nursery while at the hospital because it would give us an opportunity to learn her habits early. The nurse quickly relinquished us of that absurd idea. She said that the kids first 36 hours or so are the most challenging because of the many changes the baby is going through, allowing her to go to nursery would allow us to catch our breath and get a little rest. Needless to say we did not get much sleep that night, combined with the no sleep the night before, I was pooped. The second night was somewhat better, we kept her in the room and she did a lot better than the previous night. SC was and is doing an amazing job, I love to watch her and the baby.

My first dirty diaper was an experience that Emily would probably like to forget. It was about 20 minutes that seemed like a lifetime. She had a massive bowel movement, there was the poop everywhere, even in places it did not belong. On top of that, my first time out of the gate, I was offered a massive spit-up at the same time, I pleaded with her that she should wait a little while before having the both end blues and this is not a nice way to thank me for the next 18 years that I am legally bound for her care.

I don’t think we both can say enough about the nurses and other staff at the hospital. They were great, very knowledgeable and ready to answer any questions. I am sure SC will have some more to add about the process and all. We are now at home and trying to rest comfortably. At about 11pm last night I hit the proverbial wall and had to crash. The new one did awesome last night, she ate at 12:30am, 3:30am, and 6:30am and that was it, not a peep otherwise. SC took care of the feedings obviously since I got nothing to offer there at this juncture. I assume that at some point we will pump some milk once we get a little more experience then I will be able to help out.

I cant tell you how grateful we are to all our friends and family. My mom has offered to stay for a week or so to help SC out around the house so she is not alone at first, and then I think SC’s mom will do the same. Emily is plain awesome, we laid in the bed this morning and just hung out. There is no doubt this will be one of the hardest things we ever do in our lives, but the reward will be unmatched. I assume that one day I will stop having the desire to just hold her and look at her and give her little kisses, though who knows, I may not.

Is this it or what?

What in the hell is going on? Is this Pre-Labor or Fake Labor or whatever the hell you want to call it. Something is going on because every 7 minutes or so, SC winces in pain for about a minute. But checking resources provided to us by so called professionals, this is normal. We should not do anything till the frequency is 5 minutes apart. Is everyone the same for this stuff? What happens if we are different? I am not trying to have a baby on Capital Boulevard or the Beltline.

Sarah is a trooper she has been amazing through out this process. Yeah I may make jokes, but she is as tough as they come, and there is a reason us men are not chosen to bear the responsibility of keeping the species alive.

I know one thing for certain, we are both getting super excited, between contractions we have been making silly jokes and overall acting silly. I can only describe it as excitement as we know the process is taking its course and will not be as long as it has been. Some say this could go on for hours or days. I am hoping for former not the latter. But who knows. It all started yesterday morning but stopped when SC officially did some nesting. I think I was made of fun last time I accused her of nesting early on in the process.

Well, this is about all I can write in 7 minutes, I am getting ready for another contraction and some work on the pregnancy ball, which is also serves as an exercise ball. Pray for us, but hopefully things are progressing normally.